ripping lesson #3: RiP AWAY!!! (part 1)

i'm fast running out of lessons, so i thought i'd just cut to the chase. i've divided this into different techniques of ripping the heart out. my dear friend jane mentioned this to me last night, which i found quite fitting. "you don't actually hook these guys, just bash them up emotionally". i don't know the relevance that has...but do with it what you may.

Part 1: SHUTDOWN
this technique can be used for creepy/psycho/weird guys interested in your dazzling qualities. but they are so self-absorbed and ego-centric that they think you are into them and would therefore like to date them. YEAH RIGHT. the severity of the shutdown varies with how nice you wish to be to the poor bugger...or whether you just want to rip the guy's heart out and rub it in the dirt. i'll add in some techniques as well as some one-liners that you may like to use to make your intentions clear.

UNSUSPECTING MALE: i think you're orrite. will you go out with me?

• put on your most disgusted face and step backwards a few paces...then run off screaming
• you: "i'm a lesbian in training; him: "since when?"; you: "since you asked me out"
• "i'm already seeing someone"...an effective lie, since "seeing" doesn't mean "boyfriend"...this is a bit of a tame shutdown
• roll your eyes and walk away
• "my mother doesn't let me date"
• this is a killer one..."i think of you more as a brother"
• a dear friend once said..."just go out with him for a week, then dump him"...she is such a lovely considerate girl
• the same friend also advised..."lean in and snog him (if you can stomach it), then shut him down and walk away" although, this may backfire...so be careful using this one
• "weird psycho guys are not my type"
• you: "i'm not ready"; him: "when will you be ready?"; you: "never"
• contributed by phil..."i may be fat, but you're ugly....i can lose weight"

ok, i'm not at my best tonight. i promise to come up with some better lessons!

flirt lesson # 2 : how to lure your prey in

my apologies ladies and gentlemen, but it appears that i have seemingly skipped a rather important and vital step in the subtle (or not so subtle for those incredibly transparent people..i.e moi) art of flirting...capturing the prey (the MAN) in the first place.

so let's start at the beginning...a very good place to start.

chickadees -

one word girlfriends - CLEAVAGE!!! IF YOU'VE GOT THEM THEN FLAUNT THEM
if a guy doesn't pay attention to ya after doing so then there is only one possible explanation...he's gay, never seen them before and have no idea what to do with them...therefore when this occurs, just simply move onto the next unsuspecting typical guy. against popular belief ones' personality has nothing to do with it...

once the MAN has been enticed, then revert to flirt lesson no#1...

dudes -

i frankly have no idea what guys do so i shall instead list some points on what they shouldn't do to hopefully help all you male readers out there to eliminate some of your more common problems..

• one should not wear pink....ever
• one should not have either mullet hair or rat's tail hairstyle...even worse both at the same time
• one should not expose chest (either bare or hairy)...chest viewing not appropriate at this point in time
• (special anne request) one should not have facial hair
• one should not not offer to buy drinks for lady friend
• one should not parade around thinking he is fabio...there is only one thank god.
• one should not begin conversations with how good he is
• one should not think that chic is stupid and too dumb to get where their hypothetical is going or the meaning of their hypothetical
• one should not always develop (stupid, senseless, selfish, egotistical) hypotheticals about themselves and pretend it is "friend of a friend"
• one should not think he is so grand to play (flirt) with more than one chick at one time
• one should not turn down chance of date whilst using mother dearest as excuse
• one should not overly use too many *hand* gestures (wearing pink at same time may give wrong impression)
• one should not yell out "SHE'S HOT" to another chic whilst with a potential
• one should not BE A BASTARD

DISCLAIMER #3 - yet again i would just like to reiterate I AM NOT A GUY...and naturally therefore I DO NOT THINK LIKE A GUY. such revelations have only been done through quiet, inconspicuous and even dangerous observations

and to sign off with an ingenious way to describe what anne and i are trying to say - "sarcasm is a disease, unless one has a good sense of humor..."

Helga

it's a lengthy process...

i forgot to add that this whole heart ripping thing is a lengthy process. sometimes it's as simple as a shutdown...but other times it requires a bit of effort. so that's why i started at the start. jeannie made me put this in because i was supposedly taking over her flirting turf. never fear...heart ripping tips are near.

ripping lesson #2: confuse your prey

i have put much thought into this lesson. actually no i haven't...but i've been racking my brains for a suitable lesson plan. HAH. following on from lesson #1, it is now time to start sending out those mixed messages. this puts our dear boy in a bit of a dither, for he doesn't know whether to be paranoid or not. remember, it's all about the chase. if he thinks that he's won, then the game is over. provide a bit of a challenge. keep him thinking that he is on the right track. this stage of the game is only the beginning of the rip.

handy hints:

• play a bit of phone face-off. for those of you who don't know...when you are on the phone with him, and call waiting comes in...hang up on him and talk to your friend instead. or when you are on the phone with friend and he calls in, tell him you'll call him right back. then do it. 2 hours later.
• start dropping names of guy friends into your conversation and how close you are and how often you hang out. talk about your ex's. any topic to do with guys...take it and run with it!
• flirt with your guy friends in full view. this is an easy one. your guy friends may even egg you on with this. sitting on their laps, big hugs lasting more than 30 seconds, standing really close, cheek kissing...all that stuff (also refer to flirting lesson #1)
• when he asks you to hang out...outright refuse him and say you've already made plans with your friends. repeat as often as necessary
• hold his hand (yes, this may disgust some of you...you may want to practise on a gay male friend). then ask him who he picked up at so-and-so's party...or if he found any hot chics...or ask him why he isn't going out with so-and-so.
• call him every couple of days. then stop all contact. stop answering his calls. feign busy-ness
• do all of the above while implementing lesson #1

stay tuned for lesson #3. if you have any good advice to offer, be my guest.

DISCLAIMER #3: i have not plagiarised. i have used male friends for their opinions with part of their consent. please don't take this seriously!

flirt lesson #1: twirl that hair, flutter those eyes!

firstly just a reply to anne's post...

"hi anne, now i thought you were supposed to teach our readers (g'day to a new one - garry!) how to rip guy's hearts out??? i was just reading your post and it sounds more like one to make them fall madly in love with us (not us per se, us as in you know what i mean)?? by all accounts you've just written my first post on how to hook a guy. i'm confused...."

secondly i shall expand on some of those points brought up by anne in further posts so that we may all refine our techniques.

thirdly yes i am the practicing floozy

now on to our first lesson!

when having met that new someone, or even perhaps even an old friend, one may think that there is a potential for something more to happen but one can get stuck at relaying the message that one is interested. now in recognizing that we have readers who are not only female i shall breakdown this lesson into the appropriate areas..

chicks -

to begin with, it is sad to say girls but one must act like a ditz and have the conversation revolve soley around the MAN...this is so, so that one can actually keep him in one spot at one time. do not despair girls should it advance there is time to find out if there is depth to the MAN.

once conversational abilities of the MAN has been established, one needs to display signals of interest. firstly hit the MAN with some hair twirling...this invites the man to look at your face rather than your ample bosom. once eye contact has been established one needs to next hit the MAN with some eye fluttering...this invites the man continue to hold eye contact rather than return gaze back to one's ample bosom.

BEWARE - one must however be very careful when one has reached eye fluttering stage. too much of eye fluttering could cause you permenant eye damage....it also has the potential for guy to develop the "you're nuts" idea and so one would have successfully scared the MAN away.

guys -

conversations directed at chicks faces will get you far rather than just the art of staring at our chests. you may also try the hair twirling (granted you have enough hair) and eye fluttering techniques...it works both ways!

DISCLAIMER No. #2 - sorry to say but i alas am not a guy. i do not profess to know the inner workings of a guys mind. so if i do post any so called "worldly advice" from a guys perspective then i am making crap up. please also note i am also making crap up with the chicks advice. NOTE THE SARCASM IN BOTH ANNE'S AND I'S BLOG. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

P.S sorry about the long post...this is turning into epidemic proportions, so one feels that much help is needed!

lesson #1: make guy fall madly in love with you

it's the same story every time. you meet a nice somewhat good looking guy that you get along really well with. he lets on that he is interested. you may even start dating or whatever. until...WHAM...something happens to expose him as the world's biggest, most arrogant and self-centred bastard on this planet.

we recommend that you soften the poor bugger up before you rip his heart out. obviously you are attracted to the guy, so appearing interested is not a problem. it's quite easy really. you just have to ask a friend who is practised in being a floozy. here are some handy tips i have observed from various scenarios. i would rather die than use any of these, but hell...they seem to work.

• "oh you!" (do this while playfully hitting guy on the arm or something)
• wear low cleavage-y tops, or mini skirts. do not wear both as this may indicate that you are a skank
• talk on the phone to him EVERY NIGHT. no wait, don't do this. just talk to him when he calls. if he bothers to call
• appear interested in all he has to say. avoid having a glazed over look. although the guy may be so absorbed in hearing the sound of his own voice, HE WON'T EVEN NOTICE
• compliment him...inflate his ego just that much more.

ok, so these tips will get you started. when and if jeannie ever posts her lesson #1, i will just say to refer to that.

DISCLAIMER #2: in case you cannot detect the sarcasm and BS in the above blog...trust me. it is dripping in my most cynical thoughts.

the fine art take 2...

...of flirting

i figured that if anne's gonna go all evil and dispel her wisdom about the finer points of ripping guy's hearts out i might as well attempt to balance the scales abit for our fine and faithful readers with a bit of lovin'...as they say you can't have ying without yang baby.

but firstly...

DISCLAIMER : i am in no way some modern love god Aphrodite/Cupid wannabe...i am merely bored, trying to avoid falling asleep at work, and either in a moment of madness/brilliance or both i decided to come up with this topic.

results are not guaranteed, money will not be refunded, there is no 30 day money back no questions asked condition. stupidity and total crap however is on the cards and hopefully some laughs (if by any chance you get my sense of humor that is)

so let the games begin anne...i'm up for the challenge...may the best dr. phil win.

helga's thought of the day - keeping holiday pictures at a G-rated level is always good, so that others may not have to claw their eyes out, burn their ears off, nor tear their hair out at the horrible horrible visual images that flashes through one's mind.

helga's ephiphany of the morn' - a friend is not a friend till they have to sit and endure a conversation where friend no.2 proceeds to go on and on about how good and nice and wonderful she is for having to put up with listening to friend no. 1 talk about *SOMEONE* for a total of 5 days after a so called overseas trip when they have so convienently forgotten that friend no. 1 so gallently had to endure that kinda torture for like 3mths without so much as a whinge, till friend no. 1 had to tell her to shut up. love ya olga.

the fine art...

...of ripping a guy's heart out. a crucial set of lessons that every girl must know and learn.

before we begin.

DISCLAIMER: this is not really intended for real use. olga is extremely bored and needs something to post about. these lessons are only intended for use on arrogant bastards of men out there who need their heads severely deflated. we are sorry for those in the minority that are actually really nice guys and get caught in the whole heart ripping frenzy. we have as yet to meet any in this minority...so girls, learn these lessons well and RIP AWAY!!!!

yes, this is a morbid form of entertainment...but entertainment it is.

olga's thought of the day: pointy shoes are evil

ANTI MAN RAGE...BEWARE TROLLS AHEAD

okay so for the last half hour i have been anti man raging to anne who has found it quite amusing at what has come out of my head...so whilst i am actually in this mood of mine i might as well speak on behalf of others...

• what the hell is wrong with SOME (note i did not say all) guys these days??
• what the hell makes them think that the freakin world revolves solely around them??
• why the hell are they so superficial, egotistical, self-centred, pink wearing bastards??
• what makes them think mullet rat tailed style hair is sexy??
• why the hell do they think we're gonna be looking at anywhere near his ass to know how bloody much he spent on ripped off jeans that no-one gives a crap about??
• what the hell is wrong with them to make them think that EVERY chick wants them??
• what the hell goes through their head for them to treat women as objects in a game??
• what the hell makes them so bloody stupid and clueless for them to just simply assume an invite to a *friends* b'day party??
• what in the hell even makes them still think that they are still *friends*??
• why the hell do they think that they are not transparent enough to know that we can see right through them??

jeez....nuff said.

boo hoo

I AM SO FREAKING BORED. i now understand why i work so much. it is a sad sad fate when you actually look forward to going to work simply to kill time. or maybe it's because i know i have very little money to actually do ANYTHING.

i'm short of bright ideas at the moment. i have nothing interesting to post. no gossip. no philosophical thoughts. the only thing i have been doing to keep my mind alive is to do the crossword in the herald sun.

maybe i'll be back to add somethign interesting later on. when i have inspiration. RIGHT.

olga's thought of the day: inside us all there is a closet love of teeny bopper music

it's driving me nuts...!

i had this fabulously good title for post and i can't remember what the freak it is. anyway, i am yet again at jeannie's house. the sad sad truth is that we can't keep our hands off each other...oops...i mean keep away from each other. since helga has already done some memorable moments...i too shall add to this. yes, i am so creative. don't stop with the applause. i may also have plagiarised some quotes that many contiki-ites have said, and that i have found so funny that i had to post it up!

• you know you are really drunk when you think sleeping in the hallway outside your room is a good idea
• knowing that jeannie snores provides good ammunition
• good friends can walk around in the same room as each other with nothing but a towel on...or bright green undies and a bra
• (almost barely legal) party pills make your eyes really dilated
• it's not a holiday unless you come home utterly broke and buggered
• not as many pink shirts exist in sydney. there is still hope yet!
• taking photos of your bosoms on various cameras is a good way for everyone to remember who the two hot asian chics are
• QF shots are really good...better when they're stolen
• being hungover is really not good
• arrogant bastards of men exist everywhere
• NZ does not sell alarm clocks
• an ass grope is not a pick up line
• sleeping in a dignified manner on a bus does NOT exist
• "nick's nasty nachos" are really nasty
• accumulated purchases of alcoholic drinks is expensive
• it is a true achievement to land on melbourne soil with 10 NZ cents in your wallet and nothing else

more to come boys and girls!

olga's thought for the day: one needs to spend more than a few days apart from one's friend who one has just spent 10 days with

anne groped my ass...in NZ

and a top of the morn' to all of you guys too!! and so sadly all good things must come to an end and here we are, anne and i, back in town to head back into the doldrums of reality....

i don't think i can say this enough but i really did have a great time on this trip whilst learning some home truths about myself and more worldy knowledge about life and guys so in as short a point form as possible...

• not sure on anne's opinion but i think we survived each other better than i would've expected
• this whole being trolls business guarding the black gates is one heck of a good idea (particularly when one goes from 0 drinks in her to 7...)
• new zealand is beautiful with lots and i mean lots of mountains and windy roads
• back of the bus ISN'T the best place to sit when having a queasy tummy
• back of the bus IS the best place to sit when going over shaggers bridge
• dr. phil conversations about marital problems in bed are highly amusing
• being called anne despite sitting next to the person for the last 3 hrs is also highly amusing
• having anne fully and no holds barred reject a guy with the catchphrase "THAT'S DISGUSTING" right in his face is also highly amusing
• having anne sneak into our room hearing me talking to someone and having her thinking i've picked up a nice kiwi guy is also highly amusing
• jumping off bridges and screaming on the way down is rather fun
• seeing pics of anne's face as she's sky diving is a crack up
• sitting in front of a fireplace having a nice conversation that flows comfortably is a nice change
• making new friends from all over the world is just cool
• finding out that canberrians and sydneysiders outnumber you as a melbournian is fun
• having to listen to anne snore and talk to herself in the middle of the night is frightening
• waking up and hearing anne make forrest gump noises in the middle of the night about a particular (man-whore) guy will just freak you out
• seeing anne's reaction when she found out that we assigned her a particularly enthusiastic guy to sleep with from the tour to save her life is hilarious
• not being able to feel your face from the cold is a rather quaint way to wake up
• late nights + early mornings + party pills for some = wanting more sleep
• kiwi guys in christchurch are rather sleazy and will try almost anything to pick up chicks
• hearing all the rumors/stories about ppl on the tour is a good way to pass the time on a bus

and that's all i can think of from the top of my head at the moment...

but to this anne groping my ass story, so we're at this club (Holy Grail) in christchurch celebrating the last night that we're all gonna be together as a group before the end of our tour and as anne and i are walking from the tables to the dance floor some guy gropes her ass, so what does she proceed to do?? instead of just verbally telling me of the incident, she goes on to grope my ass to make sure that i knew what she was talking about....nice one.

more stories i guess from the tour as they come to mind.....and yes anne you can tell ppl about mr canadian and me, i don't really mind so long as we stick to the truth!!

Helga singing out *fush and chups*
P.S sorry about the exceptionally long post....i'm just excited.

shooters...QF me!

and so...it is back to reality. after arriving home to find out my house is on the market, freeloading dinner, getting ready to move house on march 13th, and unpacking my little suitcase...i have decidely inserted myself back into melbourne life. it is a rather sad little event when you leave all the people you have met on tour, and the freedom of NZ and come back to reality, where you are broke and your poor credit card is exhausted from overuse. oh...and your liver really needs a break from too much alcohol.

olga's thought of the day: black smirnoffs...mmm...yummy!

i will survive..

if i knew anymore of the words i would actually sing them but i don't so you guys are lucky...
okay updates..

• anne and i jumped....and we survived
• i went down a river...and i survived
• anne and i have sat in the same bus for the last 7 days....and we survived

annie if you ever read this blog, remind me to tell you the floozy story that has happened on this trip of anne and i's.

okay we have 4 more minutes remaining cos we're cheap so to sum it all up before a more detailed blog..

• HAD A FANTASTIC TIME
• LOVE (almost) EVERYONE I'VE MET ON TOUR
• CONTIKI RULES
• WENT AND SAW A GLACIER
• I WENT DRINKING EVERYONE!!!
• I LOVE SCREAMING ORGASMS (the drink ppl!!)

oh yeah baby...little old me who basically refuses to drink everytime we go out actually went drinkies on this trip!! i'm still not that big a drinker but hey

more later ppl!

Helga.

psycho olga

I JUST THREW MYSELF OUT OF A PLANE 12000 FEET INTO THE AIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

silly old me...

sometimes ones wonder what really or the amount of adrenaline that goes through one's body/mind when they decided to put their lives in danger in the following ways -

• jump off a bridge 43m high
• jump off a platform 109m high and travel at possibly 150kph
• go white water rafting and drown

oh well you only live once (yada yada yada) and i'm currently in Queenstown so if i don't do any of the above then that's a real big waste of a trip.

i would be alot more perky and whatever but i'm extremely tired from lack of sleep, tired from lack of food (stupid stomach that is going haywire at the moment), and lack of adrenaline now running through me....

well so know you guys now i've jumped, and i have photos to prove it and that i'm actually still alive. another what 4-5 days to go now till home sweet home!

Helga.

adieu, farewell....

on behalf of anne and i adieu our fair blog and even fairest readers.....for 10 possibly 11, even more likely 12 days (cos that's when i'll be back at work)...if luck may befit us (and we're not too poor over there) may we meet again in New Zealand

T MINUS 3 HOURS AND 40 MINUTES

*smoochies* - can you guys actually believe that i'm awake at 5am in the bloody morning?!?!?!

Helga and Olga

floozy woozy me...part 2

ohhhh the pain!! the pain of having such a full stomach.....in the spirit of all things chinese new yeary a nice chinese lunch was had in chinatown so that's yum cha two days in a row...never thought i would be saying it but i'm starting to get sick from all this yum chaing i'm doing...must be all that vegetable oil clogging up my arteries


hey anne, how strictly are you gonna abide by those cardinal rules of yours??
are you gonna bend them again??
okay back to moaning like myrtle....

Quote No. 17 -

• Jeannie : "There are these two guys at work...."
  Anne - "ARE THEY HOT?!?!?!"

Helga's true friends wisdom - a true friend is one who staunchy refuses any offerings of cake as she is not so confident in their cooking abilities but is quite happy to set them up with potentials.

Helga's thought of the day - how quiet is quiet when the fate and future of this blog is left up to the two almost non-existent members of this little cult to upkeep whilst we are gone on an adventure filled, life changing trip of a life time??....quite....

T MINUS 15 HRS TO GO TILL LIFT OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I WISH ALL YOU GUYS OUT THERE GOOD LUCK, GOOD HEALTH AND MUCH PROSPERITY FOR THE YEAR!! GO PIGGIES!

Helga singing out *fush and chups.......*
P.S. I LOVE FIREWORKS

floozy woozy me...part 1

i love our titles to our posts...
off to be a floozy...lunch date with the guys again! yippee!!

pack, pack packing away

i have officially packed 90% of my stuff. how's that for organisation eh? i even cleaned my room and changed my bed sheets in the process. i have taken down my wall of protest -sobs-. anyway, today was my official last shift of work before we hightail it off to new zealand. and what a crappy weather day it was.

this is a rather pointless post. well, i think they all are...but this one is just more pointless than the other ones. so here i am sitting in my little rocking chair contemplating chinese new year. or vietnamese new year. or whatever the hell they call it. you know, they should just call it "asian new year". anyway...you know that whole superstition about paying off all your debts and making sure you have a clean slate to bring in the new year? i think that's pretty handy...since this is like your second shot at it if you didn't get everything done on the 31st of december. so for me, i have a clean room and no credit card debt to bring in the new year. whoopee!!

olga's second thought of the day: just because one has an umbrella, it does not mean that one is invincible from the rain.

embracing my doom...

*sob sob* but i don't want to be a stick figure with big boobs!!!! i like being meaty!! meaty with big boobs!! i'm so traumatised by that mere idea that i can't think and so no thinking = no quirky, pointless tale about MOI or malicious content or rumor about anne

see what you have now done to me?!?!?! now i'm gonna go moan like myrtle. you can now all find me in the girl's bathroom.

Helga.

happy birthday to you...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALI!!! many happy returns.

p.s. the only reason i know this is because it says so on your msn nick. have a good day! :)

olga's thought for the day: trying to pack in all your favourite tops doesn't work.

the myths of life

...yippee yi yay!!!!!!...just wanted to get that off my ample chest (nicknamed "breasty" by those who like to distinguish anne and i from those who are perhaps not so ample)...anyhoo i have learnt 3 myths...

1. in order to be happy you need to be married
2. in order for a woman to be happy she needs a guy
3. you need to be in a relationship to be happy

and according to some life philosophy professor guy in Texas...all those myths are wrong...good thing i didn't pay US$20 to hear that from him...better spent on something useful in life i say...like food...so all this time that anne and i have been talking about how we value (perhaps sometimes too much as well) our independence, it turns out that we're right all along and it didn't cost us anything cos we're both cheap and discuss these topics over 'yes' time, calling every 20min intervals.

so to debunk it here's the truth behind those theories...

1. can't exactly remember the precise words of oh wise Texan dude so here's my motto..good food, good friends what more could you ask for??
2. oh how wrong this theory turned out to be...turns out that life is indeed more dangerous for single men than for single woman...single men experience shorter life span, prone to more deadly diseases, have more accidents, and get fat.
3. nope, turns out it's more of the case of happy life = happy relationship...you need to be happy being single in order to be happy being in a relationship

okay now guys...you all owe me US$20...

Quote No. 16 - in reference to anne and i cooking a self-saucing chocolate pudding for dessert

• Amy - "THAT'S JUST NASTY" (and she didn't mean it in a good way too!)

Helga's thought of the day - when one COULD BE lingering on the cusp of another's larger boob size, one can either stay in denial or do excercise to reduce it back to more acceptable range. one has chosen excercise...denial was fun for a while till reality set in.

Helga's true friends wisdom - one truly is a true friend when despite starving to death, one does not complain about having to endlessly look and compare one's ass in different pants when shopping with a fussy clothes shopping friend.

Helga singing out *YODALADIDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*
P.S I LOVE LONG POSTS....THAT MAKE NO SENSE

the end of an era

so it has been confirmed. i am moving. to...of all places...doncaster. kill me now. someone thunk me on the head with a frying pan. not only am i moving out of my childhood home, which i love dearly (as well as my wardrobe)...but i am moving to a place which i am not especially fond of. i am very sorry if i am offending any of our readers out there. *sobs* i will no longer be able to do the following things:
1. bum rides off amy or jeannie
2. easily get to either of their houses within 15 minutes
3. bum rides to uni (ok, not that i really need to bum a ride since i'll be like 20 minutes away)
4. bum rides anywhere

i know i shouldn't complain because i will be so close to the city blah blah blah...but it is a terrifying ordeal. oh well...more on this after i get back from new zealand.

olga's thought for the day: one does not feel so..."special" (ie. BiG BOOBiED) when one has evidence that one's friend is on the edge of being the same bra size.

manbabies

this could've been a comment on either of our blogs/posts but the the truth is no-one reads the comments so for some personal glorification and pat on my own back i am writing yet another post...

manbabies?? what are they you may ask....they are what happens when 2 people say draco malfoy and neville longbottom get together and learn reproduction in the 7th year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy...who's brilliant idea is this?? darlin amy whose deepest desire is to see some form of man loving in the HP series.

Helga's task(s) for the day -

• be a floozy.....done
• drink milk.....done
• eat sugar.......done
• confuse people....done

okay now i don't know how accurate this is but according to some if i was ever sorted i would belong to Hufflepuff house and i am in most ways proud of this for the following reasons -

1. my name sake is the founding person of the house...Helga Hufflepuff
2. the HOTTEST most NOBLE guys come from Hufflepuff (cedric diggory)
3. i embody all of the following qualities - just, loyal, true, hard working (lets see who wants to debate that huh?!?!)
4. and the fact that all you guys LOVE ME for my CHARMING WAYS

plus i like the colors yellow and black, the badger and the fact that the ghost of this house is non other than The Fat Friar...that is just so me.

yep yet another pointless but totally insightful post about MOI...
clouds are rolling in and it looks like it could rain..i think i'll go home now.

Olga, when are hooker boots not hooker boots? there's a riddle for ya!
Helga Hufflepuff

i must, i must chase the boys...NOT!!!

i have just gotten home from work and i'm a teensy bit frazzled. we are having this pot luck dinner thing tonight at a uni friend's house where you have to bring a plate. so i am frantically looking through cook books to see what my limited cooking skills can whip up in less than 2 hours. and i have just decided that i will use my old standby that hasn't killed anyone yet...tuna casserole. yes i have just left that wide open for all of you to crack jokes at my dismal cooking. but AH HAH...i am not that bad. i am not as bad as the average incompetent male. *coughs sorry guys but i have to salvage my dignity somehow coughs*

anyway i am making my daily reference to helga...i know you plagiarised that whole wise wizard thing from dumbledore in harry potter...don't try to hide it. although i don't think you were trying to hide it. and i have no comeback about me snoring...for of course you don't know if you snore or not when you are sleeping. but my attempt at once again regaining my meagre scraps of dignity is that i'm a heavy breather and it only turns into snoring when i'm really really really REALLY tired!

olga's thought of the day: toga tops can look quite hot.

7 MORE DAYS UNTIL MY DOWNFALL OF SPENDING 10 CONTINUOUS DAYS WITH HELGA!!!!

i must, i must not chase the boys...

well it was either that or "i think i can..i think i can..i know i can..." kinda mantra but i like my not chasing the boys one better....and don't worry darlin Olga, i'm NOT being a FLOOZY again

7 days to goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ahhh beautiful beautiful sheep filled, hobbit wandering, elf domained, wizard haven (besides hogwarts, hogsmeade, knockturn alley, diagon alley, privet drive), dwarf-a-roaming, goblin-a-eating, men-o-warrior new zealand here we come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

can you tell i'm excited??
well actually i would be more excited and jumping with glee (*yippee*) but i've just gotten into work, which means that i'm still kinda half asleep cos i took a little nap on the train...plus i haven't had any sugar in my system

i learnt some very important things last night...

• anne and i write too much in our blogs (sorry andy)
• anne and i write about each other in our blogs (sorry annie)
• anne and i find trivial things amusing
• anne and i like to share our maybe not so amusing trival things with all you guys (sorry everyone)
• anne snores

*chaaa ching!!* malicious content of the day from me accomplished!!

Helga's thought of the morning - a great and wise old wizard once said that we are not defined by our abilities but rather by our choices, and so with this in mind true friends are those that even though they may be getting sick of hearing the same conversation about the same person over and over again for 3 months never once complain, never once not answer their phone, nor hang up on them when called beacuse that true friend will sooner or later realise that the other friend will notice the big lump growing on his/her forehead via the continous banging of forehead onto wall.

off to be a floozy again!
Helga singing out *YODALADIDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*
P.S. QUOTE OF THE DAY WILL RESUME ONCE MORE WHEN PEOPLE START HAVING STOOPID AND MEANINGLESS CONVERSATIONS WITH ME