ripping lesson #3: RiP AWAY!!! (part 1)

i'm fast running out of lessons, so i thought i'd just cut to the chase. i've divided this into different techniques of ripping the heart out. my dear friend jane mentioned this to me last night, which i found quite fitting. "you don't actually hook these guys, just bash them up emotionally". i don't know the relevance that has...but do with it what you may.

Part 1: SHUTDOWN
this technique can be used for creepy/psycho/weird guys interested in your dazzling qualities. but they are so self-absorbed and ego-centric that they think you are into them and would therefore like to date them. YEAH RIGHT. the severity of the shutdown varies with how nice you wish to be to the poor bugger...or whether you just want to rip the guy's heart out and rub it in the dirt. i'll add in some techniques as well as some one-liners that you may like to use to make your intentions clear.

UNSUSPECTING MALE: i think you're orrite. will you go out with me?

• put on your most disgusted face and step backwards a few paces...then run off screaming
• you: "i'm a lesbian in training; him: "since when?"; you: "since you asked me out"
• "i'm already seeing someone"...an effective lie, since "seeing" doesn't mean "boyfriend"...this is a bit of a tame shutdown
• roll your eyes and walk away
• "my mother doesn't let me date"
• this is a killer one..."i think of you more as a brother"
• a dear friend once said..."just go out with him for a week, then dump him"...she is such a lovely considerate girl
• the same friend also advised..."lean in and snog him (if you can stomach it), then shut him down and walk away" although, this may backfire...so be careful using this one
• "weird psycho guys are not my type"
• you: "i'm not ready"; him: "when will you be ready?"; you: "never"
• contributed by phil..."i may be fat, but you're ugly....i can lose weight"

ok, i'm not at my best tonight. i promise to come up with some better lessons!