to be or not to be a gentlemen...

that is the question, so here's a quick poll. i would think this is one of those questions that is always asked, and one that everyone has their own opinions on, but yet confusion still surrounds the actually act. so now i'm looking for your opinion.

tongue in a first kiss??????

give me your answers via the comments (yes i know this is a desparate plot to feel loved again via making you guys post). feel free to also expand your say and leave a few lines of your words of wisdom to us vikers and our audience.

q & a

to make it short here is how to tackle points 3, 4, and 5 in the post below the post about me being a woman. a human woman.

question #3: how to lie through you teeth to get out of a planned gatecrash event
answer #3: have a friend who has exceptional skill in lying, and use the advantages of technology. sms-sing someone instead of actually talking to them, helps you avoid sticky situations.

question #4: how to feel guilty
answer #4: have "feelings"

question #5: how to act like a girl
answer #5: have estrogen running through your veins.....and have "feelings"

day of reckoning

it took over two hours, but it has been discovered.

I AM A WOMAN. AND I AM ONLY HUMAN.

god help me.

happy chinese new year - Kung Hei Fat Choy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
may this year be your year.

JUICE me up baby

okay here's a word of warning. i'm feeling inspired. by lotsa, lotsa, lotsa stuff that has happened in like the last 24 hours. here's a quick preview, which is actually more of a reminder list to meself.

1. how to NOT develop an emergency plan when you are busting to go to the toilet
2. how to gatecrash multiple events on the one night
3. how to lie through your teeth to get out of a planned gatecrash event
4. how to feel guilty
5. how to act like a total girl
6. how to come to the realisation that just maybe your friends really do have you pegged and know you way to well, even despite all your objections to it
7. how to dump a girl for a guy
8. how to read a melway
9. how to make a dear friend go through hell
10. how to make a dear friend squirm like she has never had before, even before she's eaten macca's
11. how to get superstitious, speed through camberwell/doncaster/monash freeway/endeavour hills
    

okay so people, expect even more confusing, possibly philisophical, possibly funny posts coming your way. now i'm heading back to my breakfast.

puppy dog eyes

i've been dumped by my bum of a friend! and for what? A BOY!!!

oh the betrayal.

i'm under house arrest...asian superstition about chinese new year.

HAPPY ASIAN NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

omg

we are so incredibly stupid.

excuse me mate!

something incredibly traumatic occurred last night on a night of funness and geishas. which leads to this post...

now that the incredibly vast majority of us are in uni and as a consequence of chasing our dreams, our high school cliques and social groups have inadvertently broken up due to attending different uni's. which then means that we've in the past 5 yrs developed new social groups to hang out with i.e high school group of friends, uni group of friends, boyfriend's group of friends friends.

now i am terrible. i am horrible. i am me. i, despite popular belief, do not actually take that much effort and time in maintaing friendships. i strangely don't have this weird need to hang onto each and everyone who has graced my life. i think subconciously i work on the level that if you put in effort to maintain me as a friend, then i shall do the same.

but on the flip side, what happens then if you find out that those you thought are your friends secretly exclude you from social gatherings? from something as simple as just a get together lunch to people's birthdays. are they trying to subtlely tell you you're out? no longer needed, wanted or loved? if both parties know that you will not attend the gathering, should a regulatory invite be extended anyway just so you don't feel excluded? is that not where the thought lies?

then the bigger question is, what do you do when you bump into the so-called not invited "friend" when you and your group are all out and she/he sees that he/she was ostracised? for that, you are all invited to my wedding. i wouldn't want to step on anyone's toes here.

p.s does anyone notice the steady decline in visitors to this blog as the months go by? do i hear you say "BRING BACK THE PORN!"????

hoopla!

asian new year has crept up on us again. i only realised because i got dragged out to one of the local festivals. ANYWAY the point is...one of the old superstitions is that you have to clear all your debts up before the new year so you can start it afresh.

so it got me thinking...i mean there are the monetary debts and all that. but what about the karmic debts? if we don't clear these up...are we doomed to walk around with them all year? it's funny that. a new year is about change and adventure and new things happening. yet some things that we don't or can't clear up in the old year hang around like old ghosts.

maybe that's one of the mysteries of life.

ban the choir

i have just acquired gilmore girls season 1-5. ya-ya! i love ebay. still hooked - to both ebay and gilmore!
love the cool change... esp after yesterday... i was melting especially at 9am in a air-con-less and fanless church! my lord... u'd think without these essentials in summer u'd speed the process along but NO! not in a viet church. u add more priest so more wise words can be said in the stinking heat! if it wasn't the baptism of my favourite twins i'd be out of there! oh and the singing! i've had enough viet church choir singing to last me a lifetime.

rampaging kong

so i'm having one of those days yet again where i reflect on the aspect that i am getting old. i think it's cos there's been a sudden increase of birthday's and weddings that will be happening soon which triggered this sudden vulnerbility of old age seeping through the cracks of my brain.

BUT....

as olga can probably attest to this, i have on many, many occasions uttered the phrase...

"that was high school. that happened over 5 years ago. people should've grown from then, matured from that time."

but in a recent conversation with a friend, it jogged my realisation that the above phrase, is in the majority, just really a theory for some. it seems most have hung on to their childhood/high school neuroses, naivety, behaviour or what not. it would seem plausible that in the years that has passed we would've gained some insight, some experience to handle "adult" situations better.

i think what i am trying to get at here is that people change, situations change, life change. why are we so intent on not changing with it? it seems that this streak of stubborness and aversion to change leads to bad feelings and bad things said.

the 2001 macrob graduating year has their 5 yr reunion coming up this april. i wonder exactly how many of us have ended up not changing much from high school and how many of us have.

sandstorm

IT IS F*CKING HOT!!!!

just thought you'd like to know.

confusion = helga

okay. she has done it. olga has confused the s**t out of me.

wouldn't people THEORETICALLY gain understanding by switching colors? when people start off being green, then become red, they should THEORETICALLY retain their understanding and knowledge of being green. and vice versa.

is your argument then olga, really hardcore reds vs. optimistic greens? meaning those who have experienced a r'ship drought vs those always needing to be attached to the hip with a SO permanently and therefore having completely different views, opinions, and levels of desperation. and what happens if you are an orange? are you then just eternally confused about everything?

but if i am to throw in my two cents....

GO GREENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

gentlemen callers

the world puzzles me. really, it does. actually let that be society at large. you just can't win sometimes. this one example that i will give you, dear readers, is one that continuously fascinates me. let it be noted that i am not taking sides with this one...it's just too damn complicated.

the singletons vs significant others debate
...or as i like to call it...the case of green lights vs the red lights. SO, background information is required. as you all know, being a green light signifies GO...or in singleton language, "ready for action". therefore being a red light means STOP...because they already have a significant other.

now that we have that settled, let's move on. the greenies and reds co-exist somewhat peacefully, yet they just can't seem to understand each other. obvious, isn't it? it's like trying to understand a different species. although, there are the ones who have crossed over to either dark side. i am not suggesting that one of these groups is THE dark side...it's all relative to whether you are a greenie or a red.

COMMON QUOTES
greenies: “reds are the people who need to be attached to someone and don’t have very much independence”

reds: “greenies never understand what it’s like because they’re not IN a relationship”

now both seem to think the other is somewhat inferior to their own group of people. not true. your relationship status is not an indicator of you as a person within society (although it may be for some). and having crossed over to BOTH sides, i say maybe we should all be giving each other a break. who cares if someone is single, or another has a partner?

as sex and the city has taught me...in the end it’s your friends who are there for you again and again...and it doesn’t matter if they’re single or taken. good friends always come through for you.

rumor alert

stop press!

okay it has come to my attention, and no this is not another one of my attempts to boost my already way over inflated ego. i have no idea how many times i have to say this so people please listen up.

I DO NOT. I REPEAT. I DO NOT HAVE A BOYFRIEND.

so with that in mind, people, there is no need to go about trying to find out who it is, his name, and any other life questions that you have, that in no doubt you will bombard the poor guy when it ever happens.

let's clear some things up. it has come to my attention that there has been several parts of my previous posts that has been severely misinterpreted. for example, the following phrase -

"picking a fight with my boyfriend cos that's the only way that we have conversations"

was not a subtle or direct connatation that i do have a boyfriend. so please, don't fret, don't worry, don't panic, don't fall off your chair. i am still me. single and loving it. if there is a special guy on the scene. trust me. i will let you know. it's not like its gonna be that easy keeping secrets away from all you guys anyway. MY TRAFFIC LIGHT IS AS GREEN AS THIS POST.

i must admit though it is very strange to find myself the topic of gossip this time round. rather than just be a participant of the gossip.

flapjacks

i was sitting on the bus yesterday contemplating the trivial matters of this life...as per usual. on this particular bus, i happened to see a rather good looking chic...with a very visible layer of makeup on. so my post begins...

now i am not all out against it. for one thing, i have to be friends with this bane of females...seeing as work demands i look presentable. having said that, i have managed to escape detection with little to no makeup at work for 3 years. ANYWAY. let us use this bus girl as an example. if i looked like her, i would not use that much makeup to cover my face. true make up is supposed to enhance your features la la la...but too much and you're looking like pancake face over there with panda eyes.

moral of the story? keep it au naturel baby. isn't that what the feminists fought for? besides burning their bras that is...i would burn mine too but i need them.

may day

everyone....

CALM DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1. i do not have a boyfriend at this current point in time
2. i'm from macrob. 4 years there has made me a harden old hag. nothing will change that. i may be in love with a special someone, but darn it i shall always be bitter and willing to bitch! potent sui!
   

i have never seen such a reaction! it's kinda scared me.

lover thyself i honor thee

is it ever possible of getting bored of being bored itself?

now as it seems that the rest of the vikers have abandon all you lovely readers, i helga oh faithful one to you, vow to keep doing this. only cos everytime i log onto this blog i am getting bored of reading i have bought new shoes. that was like so yesterday!

so with really no inspiration at all, cos my brain is dying here, i am scrapping the bottom of the barrel here to come up with some resembling entertainment. so bare with me if you please. my topic of conversation today shall be on fears.

i apparently have a fear of intimacy. to overcome this fear, i should attempt to get in touch with my feminine side. so from this point onwards i shall take on a new persona. i shall become a girly-er version of the old helga. i shall embrace all things feminine - pink, wishing i was skinner, picking a fight with my boyfriend cos that's the only way that we have conversations, pink, losing my attachment to my independence, losing my desire to always be in control. you know girly stuff. the things not normal to me.

there will be a new me. a pink me. a girly me.
so women, feel free to call me and talk to me about your r'ship problems. gone are the days where i tell you to grow up and tell you the harsh truth. i will now be the most consoling, sympathetic, loving kinda girl. together we shall grow as one. sisters unite!

beware guys. i don't know which one is more scarier. the new me, or the old me.

shining star

and i've found the all important shoes! and they're green too.

political turmoil

ahhh so is the life of being in love....

so let's get down to business. recent conversations with people who happen to be lucky (or unlucky as it seems now) in love, seems to be all singing the same tune. now i firstly like to apologise as the results of my quick poll will show that it is rather biased against the male population. not my fault. here are just some reasons behind the rather unfair portrayal of who's in the wrong...

1. i am only getting the girls in the r'ship ringing me and telling me what's wrong
2. guys just don't seem to want to talk about their "feelings"
3. guys just ain't calling me

so back down to business. apparently the full moon recently has brought out the beast in every guy who happens to be in a r'ship with a girl who is connected to me somehow. and to sum it up quick, here's an idea of what they have done wrong by way of their big mouths.

• "maybe you should shave your legs"
• "hmm...should you really be eating that?"
• "you don't have the tits to fill in that dress"
• "would you like me to get the bigger size for you?"
• "you bristle me when we kiss"

get the idea? i'm sure you do. now being as neutral as switzerland or antartica is, i am neither proclaiming that either men are wrong or women. i frankly think we both are. there's too many of us girls out there with way over the top insecurities about ourselves and forever searching for reassurances from our guys that we're attractive (yada yada yada), but on the flip side, at the best of times guys, you're lacking the helpful skill of being tactful to the one you love, at a moment when she is at her most vulnerable. you may be meaning the best, but the words you're choosing ain't the best.

so for any guy out there who may sadly, unfortunately, cruelly will fall into my web of love in the future, i just want to say i'm sorry if i ever, ever put you through the pain of being constantly asked "does my bum look big in this?"or "do you love me? tell me you love me.". just as you love me, i too love myself. big boobs and all! and if you (male significant other) ever find this blog, you may also use it to your full advantage to show me that once i was actually sane.

sometimes the truth hurts, and i'm a big enough girl to hear it, but please choose your words carefully though. i'm sure my hand will hurt as much as that black eye i would've just given you.

p.s i've found a dress where my boobs fit in it and i don't pop out! yay! plus it's green.

raspberry ripple

i like dresses yes i do. i just purchased my first non-black dress in a long time. how lovely!

big smash bang with boobies

let it be known i am still mad. results of battle of the boobies round 2:

boobies: 2
helga: 0

but never fear! i will triumph. my boobies may be winning the battles, but i will win the war. in other words, i am too stubborn a mule to accept my boobies are/have gotten bigger.i think the dresses are getting smaller. and to top of my oh so fantastic day in the very south of our fair state, i still have not found a dress for an upcoming wedding.

can someone help me out on this riddle that's plagues me for like 2hrs?

riddle: there are three sayings, that universally people find hard to say
answer:

1. "i love you"
2. "i'm sorry"
3. ?????????

it's driving me nuts. what for the love of fine tequila is the third one?!?!? i might offer a prize for the correct answer. if i'm nice.

narcissistic boobs

dictionary: narcist - someone in love with themselves

oh how appropriate a word!

i never ever thought i would say it in my life but people, my boobies and i are now on opposite sides of a neverending battle. i *choke* would like them smaller, they *choke* are having fun pushing me out of dresses.

i don't think i will ever win this battle without the help of a surgeon. bloody hell. i am still in denial. I AM NOT BIGGER THAN OLGA. I NEVER WILL BE. I REFUSE TO BE. wtf? they aren't supposed to get bigger! it ain't like i've ballooned out to the size of an elephant and they have proportionally done so too! in fact i have gone the opposite way according to the scales.

awww...go away. let me cry. i am beyond mad.

ping pong

there are so many flaws in the below post that i will have to address them point by point. it's easier this way and keeps my head clear for logical argument.

• firstly helga, it is NOT a creative post seeing i, along with many other females have probably seen that on TV somewhere. great loves is not a thing of your imagination, it originates from the 1st episode of sex and the city season 5 (i had to take 5 minutes to look up the bloody thing on the episode guide)
• of course i've smashed it into a million pieces. that is because i, unlike you hold a slightly more realistic view of the world. great loves may exist...on television. seriously, if you had an emotional brick wall, you wouldn't even know what the hell a great love would be...unless he came along and managed to attack the wall brick by brick until finally he'd come stumbling upon the well sought after prize of...wait for it...YOUR HEART AND UNDYING LOVE. show me a guy like that and i'll gladly concede this round to you.
• so you want to talk about financial investments. true, some pay you out greatly...but most fail miserably. let's put it this way. when you make your first financial investment, you're so excited that you invest a lot more than you should. then BANG it all goes out the window. as time progresses, you invest less and less because hey, one day you're gonna end up broke from putting so damn much in deadbeat investments.
• does this sound scarily familiar? when you begin your first relationship it's all nice and fluffy until one day it goes downhill. you may even have loved the guy. so the next time round with lucky guy number 2, you don't put as much effort into it because who wants to get screwed over twice? so begins the brick by brick construction of your faithful emotional brickwall.
• and finally...the perfect investment exists as an ideal. no investment, much less a man is perfect.

damn i'm good. yeah go ahead and rip it to pieces. i'm not very coherent in the morning.

financial investments

so here's our heavyweight fight tonight ladies and gentlemen. in the red corner we have "great loves" and in the blue corner we have "heart ripping". are you ready to rumble??????

so olga's taken my oh so creative, hopeful, and eternally optimistic post about great loves and well, in her true to form fashion style, she's completely smashed it into a million broken hearted pieces. but alas! i am not that easily defeated. we ain't anywhere near a TKO yet ladies and gentlemen.

now whilst the post below seems to indicate that taking one step forward into great love territory, actually means taking two steps backwards into heart ripping territory, there must be some territory in between. the grey area. the twilight zone. the "f*ck-i-am-so-damn-confused" zone. and whilst olga seems to believe that to find your great love only leads to your heart being ripped out, i like to see this whole scenario much like any financial investment that we make in life. some work out and unfortunately some don't.

so let's start at the very beginning. a very good place to start. with most financial investments they tend to grow, scarily shrink, and hopefully get to grow again. but then sometimes, some people, despite the best advice from experts in the field, and careful research, sometimes circumstances just occurs that causes your investment to fail, fold up and call it a day. but yet even with all the risks involved in making financial investments and decisions everyday of our lifes we don't stop. why? for the achivement of the jackpot? for the knowledge that there's something in the egg basket on that rainy day? whatever the reason is we stil make those investments.

so scarily similar, we do the same for relationships. we invest a little or a lot of ourselves in each of the relationships that we form with our significant other. sometimes that investment will pay off and we hit the jackpot - finding the "great love" and managing to hold on to it. and sometimes the investment comes back to bite us on the butt and it just doesn't work out. but we'll still be out there looking for that perfect investment. it just takes time to grow to its full potential.

snuggy uggums

it's a wonder that most of the time all we talk about on this blog are relationships. we give men far too much credit. we may only get two great loves in this lifetime, but is it also not true that when "he shakes you to your core and never leaves you the same way again" he's probably also priming to rip your heart out. for this reason i would never EVER allow myself to have a great love...gives him too much leeway to become a great bastard.

now you may be thinking about where my cynical streak is coming from...it's also a little something called realism. great love may be just that...great...but with it also comes the unsavoury side. there are two sides to every coin. great loves may shake your core, but they can break your heart and never leave you the same way again. IF YOU LET HIM. so don't.

great loves can enrich your life...or utterly destroy it. thank god we only get two of them.

salt and pepper

so they say that we, women of the world, get to experience only 2 great loves in our whole entire lifetime. and we only know that that guy is one of the "great loves" is when he shakes you to your core and never leaves you the same way again.

now i'm not saying that i subscribe to that saying or anything. and with my emotional brickwall boxing me in, i have that nagging doubt that i would deep down deter that from happening to me, unless i have somehow miraculously achieved the ring, the white picket fencing, the 2.5 children and the dog.

but here's to the rest of you guys who...

a) found your great love
b) looking for your great love
c) single and lovin' it
d) none of the above

and while i'm at it, if i met my fairy godmother and she only would grant me a wish between being a great dancer or a great singer, i would choose to be a great dancer. i'm having too much fun destroying the hearing of all my nearest and dearest. plus knowing how to dance is the first step in being able to give a great striptease.

lion tamer

olga's lesson for the day:

one must switch mobile phone off so friend does not disturb sleep by calling at 1am in morning to discuss friend's date.

50 first dates

rome wasn't built in a day, and so here's olga's handy tips and hints on surviving the FIRST DATE.

note: this is one for the ladies. she hasn't reported back on any hints and tips for the men yet.

1. if he goes for your hand, let him hold it
2. if he kicks you more than once under the table, he's now playing footsies
3. don't order something with too much garlic in it
4. if you do order something with too much garlic in it, make sure you have extra with you
5. don't order a salad
   
6. don't overdo it with the cleavage on the first date
7. don't overdo it with the perfume
   
8. don't overdo it with the makeup
9. it's a first date. let the guy pay. the battle of the wallets start after a few more dates.
10. wear matching underwear. the bus scenario may just hit you in the face
    

i think there were more tips but we kinda got lost discussing the important issue of just what to wear on a first date. oh such is the life of a female!

beer goggles

HAPPY NEW YEAR! i saw in 2006 with a bit of grog...and making a bit of money. let it be just as eventful (or in my case, less eventful) as last year.

happy neeeeew year!

happy new year everyone!!!!!!

so there goes 2005. and here comes 2006. mine's starting out with abit of a bang already. hope yours is too.