growing pains

and another one bites the dust...

so with another blogger saying good-bye it made me wonder, are those around us growing up and moving on with the wonder of the adventures that life brings us, are we us vikers (don't worry zelda and frida i just mean olga and i) stuck in some weird teeny weeny stage of our lives? should we too grow up? act our age (no i am not 12)? should we embrace maturity? do we even have maturity? should this blog actually become serious? talk about life? the meaning of life? our hopes and dreams?

have you outgrown us?

this confounds me immensely.

helga's injury for the day: whiplash across her ample bosom courtesy of one crazy arse driver of a friend who also does not see speedbumps.

p.s olga, who's the poor sucker that you have broken their heart cos of this [quote] "match made in heaven"[/quote] with mr phil (check comments under your post)? did something happen in between sunday arvo and like now, that you have failed to tell me??? poor sucker (the anonymous one).

it's a lovely day today

the sun is shining brightly outside and i just woke up at an unbelievable hour to go for a run. with under 8 hours of sleep. i wonder at the state of my brain functioning sometimes.

dear readers, what's something that noone knows about you? doesn't have to be a secret, doesn't have to be a confession. can be something small and nearly insignificant. want to know mine? i have a chip in one of my front teeth. the result of chomping down on my fork too hard while shovelling food in my mouth a few years back.

olga's thought for the day: do not show fear when a friend speeds up to make a traffic light and COMPLETELY disregards the speed bump.

tangential thinking

today's burning question is...who is on your top 5? if anyone listens to nova100 in the morning...you'll recognise this. for the sake of simplicity...let us do who the top 5 are in your social circles. has to be opposite sex...can be mates, crushes, the hottie from work...anyone.

so who's made it on my top 5?

WELL...

...you gotta be kidding if you think i'm going to disclose that information to any of you. ALTHOUGH sharing is caring (i actually haven't thought of anyone as yet) this will keep you occupied till i think of something more interesting to talk about.

even dr lovegod has a top 5.

olga's theme song of the day: all these things that i've done [the killers]

p.s. i finally got ADSL!

genius at hand

and here's the proof...

I am 21% Idiot.

I am not annoying at all. In fact most people come to me for advice. Of course they annoy the hell out of me. But what can I do? I am smarter than most people.

Take the
Idiot Test
@ FualiDotCom

dear pippin,

a wise guy once said that in swedish 'friend' can also be translated to 'limping twerp'. so let me express my absolute sincerity when i say this. you are one of the select few who is classified as one of my bestest friends. so thank you, you bestest limping twerp.

love merry.
p.s. this also applies to all you other bestest friends out there too. i do also appreciate you limping twerps too.

the fellowship of dr lovegod

q: what does one do when one has a hideous back tan and wants to wear a hot dress?

a: simple answer for a simple question from a simple person. GO NAKED. the fishes will enjoy the show. oh yes and maybe the boys too. and the girls. remember do not discriminate. and stay away from the sharks. they get hungry too.

at least this way their focus will be now taken away from the hideous back tan.

if the above scenario occurs, please provide photographic proof.

day #1

dear dr lovegod,

what does one do when one has a hideous back tan and wants to wear a hot dress?

love from pippin

p.s. you really do have no life. i thought watching LOTR and memorising the lines was bad. this hits another low.

unboggling the mind dr lovegod style

q: Hi dr lovegod! Could you tell me whether it's best that I go to this fundraising ball that my friends have invited me to? I haven't made up my mind yet, so please enlighten me about it's benefits.

a: mr jashman,

my oh my then it seems obvious that one should...no no wait...one MUST attend such a gala event if only to keep one's mind at ease that whilst one is totally sober and at liberty to be everyone else's designated driver one is also helping out dear dear people who are less fortunate then oneself.

benefits? well this part must be answered in the form as to what may happen if i don't go? simple. one will be forever tagged with "tightarse" for being so cheap, "party pooper" for simply not attending and my personal favourtie "YOU HEARTLESS MAN/WOMAN. YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO LIVE." for not supporting such worthy causes.

plus a little birdy told me that a certain lady is attending, with her sexy new black, pointy, stilleto shoes and she may need assistance on the numerous times she falls over due to her lack of coordination associated with pratically anything.

all in all, the sisters of fate seem to say do go. but let's hope for the male population there thought that the ratio is certainly in your favour with more single chicks there than well...single guys i suppose.

dr lovegod,
p.s i expect a wedding invitation if anything amounts from the night.
p.p.s yes i am this bored.

mr jashman

mr jashman: Hi dr lovegod! Could you tell me whether it's best that I go to this fundraising ball that my friends have invited me to? I haven't made up my mind yet, so please enlighten me about it's benefits.

dr lovegod: before i preceed with this mind boggling question i need some more info before i can unboggle my mind to answer this. so if you don't mind mr jashman..

1. i am presumming this is the melb aquarium ball, so do you have significant dosh to cover this outing?

2. do you have significant attire to wear to attend this outing?

3. martial status please (no this is not some pick up line, i dr lovegod am still under the no doctor-patient liasons law)

4. and finally please list where you live and your alcohol tolerance level.

waiting in anticipation,
dr lovegod

happy customer # 1

dr lovegod update....

mr a. nonymous : thanks dr lovegod! i now have a loving wife and 3 kids. you're awesome.

see we do work miracles here. bring it on. i'm in the mood for some good ol' advice dishing out today.

dr lovegod is in the house

we all have the same questions
we all have the same fears
we all have the same hopes
so here's dr lovegod to tell it to you straight. reality. get a grip on it.

as those who may actually read the comments on our blog we have had a recurrent poster (mr/ms a. nonymous) asking us for our worldly advice. and whilst its nice to know that one is loved via the amount of comments posted under our posts, i'm currently in a lazy kinda mood and can't be bothered clicking on "comments" all the time. so to bring everyone up to date..

a. nonymouse: if i like someone and i don't tell them is that stupid?

dr. lovegod: yes it is stupid. so what if she/he doesn't like you back and crushes your rather fragile heart in the process. at least you know where you stand and can move on to the next unsuspecting soul.

a. nonymous: what do i do if i'm afraid of commitment

dr lovegod: then therefore you figure out the root of your commitment phobia, get over it, grow up and then maybe starting thinking about hooking up with someone. that does only seem fair to the possible significant other.

otherwise look forward to and embrace a life filled with...well no-one but you, yourself, and you. sounds like fun.

the doctor is in. so come on tell us your problems/questions and we'll see if we can knock some sense into y'all....i mean help you out.

p.s this post will be lacking in color to protect the secret identity of dr lovegod, though i do not underestimate the intelligence of you guys to actually work out who it is (predominantly i presume as more than one of us can answer your life long burning questions about life.)

additions to stupid code of ethics..

#6 thou shall refrain from talking about stupid "what if's" and other hypotheticals for no longer than 3 mths

#7 thou when have slipped up and commit stupid act shall ring up dear stupid bestest buddy in world and ask for forgiveness and absolution - bestest buddy shall not grant forgiveness and absolution - stupid friend must learn lesson hard way

#8 all stupids must pass on well learnt stupid lessons to other potential and already stupids to curb this vicious cycle

stupids anonymous

welcome, welcome stupids.

i, president olga will lay down a few golden rules for decreasing participation in stupid acts.

#1. thou shalt refrain from talking to stupid people.
#2. thou shalt not talk to people (e.g. ex-boyfriends), who may inadvertantly lead thou to do something stupid.
#3. thou shalt spend at least 10 minutes per day reciting "i must not be stupid or do stupid things"
#4. if thou does something stupid, thou will fully acknowledge the stupid act and move on, whilst remembering never to do that same stupid thing again.
#5. thou shalt remain in contact with similarly stupid dear friends, so thou shalt learn from one another.

let it be said!

there is nothing more good for the soul,
nothing more energy reviving,
nothing more daring,
nothing more cathartic....

THAN TELLING ONE OF YOUR NEAREST AND DEAREST (guess who?) THAT SHE IS STUPID AND NEEDS TO ATTEND STUPID ANONYMOUS.

try it everyone. it is really good for the soul.
meeting times will be posted soon by president olga.

country bumpkin

weekend in warnambool coming up...

• changing all 4 tyres on car: $445
• cost of petrol for 526km round trip to warnambool: approx $80
• turning down 2 shifts at work: -$281.75
• snacks for the drive: $30
• spending 4 hour drive in the car with helga: minus a few hundred brain cells
• having your good friend AMY so indebted that she will shout you dinner once you (olga) and helga get there...and knowing that she will never live this down? priceless

have one of us in your own home!

can't get enough of us?
want your very own viking mistress?
here's how!

How to make a viking mistress

Ingredients: 5 parts friendliness 5 parts humour 1 part energy

Method: Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Add a little fitness if desired!

geez we rock.

cool bird coming your way..

i have been officially tested to find out if i am cool or not. results?

Am I cool or uncool? You are Cool! You're pretty cool! People look at you and think.. 'wow.. that person is cool!' Congratulations. Use your position wisely and teach the dorks below you a thing or two. There's nothing like recruiting a cool person.

see how blessed you guys are out there to be graced by my mere presence?
spread the love my friends

this flirt has learnt her lesson..

okay for once a message to all the girls out there who read our tantalizing blog (and we know that we're in the minority too...)...

IF A GUY IS CRAZY IN THE "OH I AM MISSING A FEW BITS AND PIECES AND A FEW NUTS ARE LOOSE IN MY HEAD" KINDA CRAZY THEN PLEASE DO AVOID HOOKING UP WITH HIM COS HE IS WEIRD.

that and i have learnt to not watching stupid real life crime shows that show what happens when we girls play with guy's hearts a bit too much. but then hey they're cracked in the head in the first place....

p.s. you're bad luck Olga. no two ways around it.

pink jammies

i abhor the idea that bad luck is contagious. i can't help that i'm having a run of bad karma!! make that having a year of bad karma. bloody hell.

may i also mention that i was not the one that BUSTED their tv just by TURNING IT ON!

LOOK! we scared away all the [quote] weird, philosophical-making-no-sense-poor-attempt-at-depth stalkers [unquote]. how lovely.

i had a kebab today...that was also lovely.

as hard as i have tried not to like him, i think michael buble is quite ok. listening to his music makes me happy. and right now...that's a bonus.

olga's theme song of the day: simple kinda woman [nessa morgan]

i pray to thee viking gods...

so there are several lessons that i have learnt over the last week/5 mins...

1. stay away from Olga. she has bad luck, and it's contagious (save me from thee viking gods)
2. Olga would dump any of you lovely guys out there, in a heartbeat, with no regrets, if you were anywhere close to getting to the pudgy stage. imagine then what she might do if you were morbidly obese.
3. we have friends
4. we have new friends
5. we (or more specifically Olga) has stalkers, weird, philosophical-making-no-sense-poor-attempt-at-depth, stalkers.
6. someone we know was trying to write some porn on their blog, but failed miserably cos IT couldn't count
7. the spellcheck in blogger does not contain the word "blog" in their dictionary. how ironic.

now is it wrong of me to be so skeptical about those "anonymous" posters who comment on our blog with such highly praised comments about our ingenious, oh-so-fascinating, thoughts of ourselves and our everyday life, but then leave their calling card as a link to their own blog/site? do you guys love us for us? or just wanting some free publicity from an oh-so-loved-and-popular blog in the history of blogs to ever grace humankind?

p.s i am not a hypocrite, and therefore as well am i not a lying hypocrite. but dear Olga, you're touching the dark side of transparency too if i can successfully guess that you would have the "fleeting" idea of going to -you-know-where last night. and for that i welcome you to this exclusive club.

sunshine

i think i am physically and mentally unable to enjoy downtime. I AM SO BORED. how do people do it?

what did i do on my day off from work? let's see...went to the gym...came home...hung some clothes on the line...ate lunch...had an afternoon nap...and here i am. and i got rejected by that bum of a "me time" alleged friend of mine, helga. so i was left to my own devices all day. thank goodness i'm going out tonight.

there wasn't really a point to this. i've still got all of sunday to fill up as well. that's just great.

since i have massive amounts of thinking time...i have realised that i am one walking contradiction. i guess at least i can admit that. like how i abhor the colour pink...and i'm sitting here wearing a pink top. rather than list out my faults...i want to know what makes people so contradictory...on a larger scale. when they say things and they really mean something else...or they do something that contradicts what they have said in the first place.

people are complex.

olga's theme song for the day: fix you [coldplay]

dancin' to the music in my head

once again my mind has been racing at many miles per hour. i guess mr reviewer over there has the smallest of points...that we have no spelling and grammar skills. oh well, spelling and grammar are for the boring.

anyway, on to tonight's topic of choice. what does one think about when they are alone? or if in my case, folding clothes at work? i conducted a survey of the girls on that shift...and basically came up with the same stuff that i'm assuming everyone thinks about. obviously it's all different according to the individual...but some things are the same. you mind goes at a million miles per hour thinking about who knows what.

to give you an example of a typical day of work...the thoughts that run through my head usually include things like...what i'm going to have for lunch, why i have to wear these stupid pointy shoes to work, how many more of these t-shirts do i have to fold before closing time, why that cute new guy is gay, why are many cute guys gay, why are some guys just downright bastards, who is that bloody private number that keeps leaving missed calls on my mobile...and the list goes on. just to defend myself...i do think about deeper things...that i prefer to keep private anyway. let's just say too much thinking time doesn't make olga a happy chappie. but WAIT! i have 9 hours of working in menswear to look forward to. GREAT! SO MUCH THINKING TIME!

i hate menswear. i'm only doing it for the money.

olga's theme song of the day: smile like you mean it [the killers]

one of the viking whores signing off.

MISSION: COMPLETE

Olga, i think we've finally achieved what we aimed for with this blog. We have been reviewed, and perhaps unsuspectingly the reviewer has fallen straight into our trap. read on my fellow earthlings.

http://jobilates.blogspot.com/2005/08/blog-review-viking-mistresses.html

i know you love us, thick or thin, rain, hail or shine, till death do us apart.
though i do think the reviewer is sadly mistaken in saying that he can't see a single capitialised word in the entire front page...i see 101. now i'm no fob, but i do think "I" falls under the category of "word" and it is capitialised.

it's all about olga

1. my name “anne” means “full of grace”. i have never been graceful in my entire life.
2. i was born 5 days late, on the 12th of April, 1984.
3. i am left handed. when i write and eat anyway. everything else is done with my right hand.
4. my favourite colour is red.
5. i abhor the colour pink...especially on guys.
6. about 1/6 of my wardrobe is pink.
7. i cannot stand, walk, balance or move in high heels.
8. i took ballet lessons from ages 12-14 to “improve my posture”. yeah, right.
9. the place i get most dressed up for is work...selling clothes for esprit.
10. the tattoo located on my lower back is a design from a new zealand greenstone...kinda like a fish hook.
11. my actual height is 160cm...i usually look it when i remember to stand up straight.
12. favourite flowers are orchids.
13. i am secretly attracted to guys who smoke socially. something about the lingering smell of cigarette smoke mixed with cologne.
14. i cannot ride a bike.
15. my therapy of choice is dancing...along with retail therapy.
16. i am a firm believer in karma. what goes around comes around baby.
17. i once jumped the train tracks to get away from an ex-boyfriend.
18. i have four sisters. not one, not two, not three but FOUR.
19. friends i have known for many years cannot recall my birthday let alone how many sisters i have.
20. last year, i completed the landmark forum...which is a motivation seminar thing over 3 days. i can safely say some of the things i learned have been helpful...most haven’t been...i’ve gone back to my old ways.
21. i have been wearing glasses since the age of 10...and need them for pretty much everything.
22. the other day i drove about 5 km before i realised i wasn’t wearing my glasses.
23. i am allergic to cats, dustmites, smoked salmon...and i think calamari.
24. sunsets over sunrises any day.
25. in 3.5 years of driving, i have had accidents with a) a drain pipe b) a moving car c) a parked car.
26. modern technology is beyond me. everything i have ever owned has either broken, been stolen, or i’ve lost/wrecked in some way.
27. i have the ability to answer questions without revealing too much about myself...making me a very dodgy question evader.
28. the only perfume i wear is romance [ralph lauren].
29. i cannot apply makeup to save my life. therefore, all day every day is au natural...except for when i have to look halfway decent for an occasion.
30. if i could work in any profession, i would be a dancer or dance teacher.
31. my favourite artist is john mayer. he ROCKS!
32. the best comfort food is mango sorbet.
33. more than half my wardrobe consists of esprit clothing.
34. when i resign, i’m never buying another esprit garment.
35. i have no hand-eye coordination. the only thing i can do competently is run long distances.
36. i hate the treadmill with a passion.
37. my favourite item of clothing is my pair of satch jeans.
38. i had my ears pierced on my 16th birthday.
39. the most liberating experiences i’ve had have included bungee jumping off a 43m bridge and jumping out of a plane at 12000 feet.
40. wonder woman is my idol.
41. i have a job on the side as a listener-of-mates-with-problems. don’t know whether the opinions i offer are ever any good though.
42. i took swing dancing lessons for a year. i have also dabbled in salsa, street latin and hip-hop.
43. my friends make up very much of my life. without them, i would be lost.
44. i very much believe in platonic male friends.
45. the list of nicknames i have been labelled with include – annie, fannie, annie fannie, olga, wonder woman.
46. i stopped eating meat a couple years ago. although, i still eat some seafood.
47. when provoked, i am stubborn beyond belief.
48. i hate being told what i can and cannot do, and will find many ways to disobey these orders.
49. i am currently in my final year of studying occupational therapy, and i still can’t give a clear definition of what it is.
50. no i do not learn how to massage people.
51. i give good massages.
52. two of the closest people in my life are programmed on speed dial on my mobile phone.
53. in summer, i love wearing either mini skirts or long shorts.
54. i do not own a bikini and never will.
55. when i’m feeling blue, the things that cheer me up the most include buying red underwear and dancing to music around my room.
56. there are intermittent periods of time where i believe that i can lose a bra cup size.
57. my alcoholic drink of choice is a black smirnoff.
58. apparantly i’m quite a good drunk.
59. my transport of choice is my baby silver corolla.
60. i have a problem with asking for help. i would rather struggle than admit i need help.
61. i am deathly afraid of clingy guys, losing control, and dependence.
62. a fashion trend that i have succumbed to is the pointy toed shoes.
63. i recently got my hair (booby length) hacked off. it is now as long as my chin.
64. my absolute favourite past time is sitting on the balcony of my house and watching the world go by.
65. i have a bad habit of staring blankly into space while someone is telling me something (usually something important too).
66. the way i know that i’ve read a good book is when i bawl my eyes out over it.
67. i suffered with braces for two years.
68. i have a hideous racer back tan that has still not faded.
69. my mind is permanently in the gutter.
70. my favourite insulting term is...”you toad bag!”
71. i constantly interchange between morning person and night owl.
72. i am not an afternoon person. i need my naps.
73. my anti-man rage scares my friends.
74. my anti-man rage scares me sometimes too.
75. i would be devastated if i ended up with a guy who was not a “boob man”.
76. there is something romantic about dancing with a guy to old style jazz music.
77. i have never danced with a guy to old style jazz music.
78. my taste in music has been described as eclectic.
79. no matter what i wear to work, apparantly i make it look like a punk outfit.
80. when extremely hungry, i am able to inhale my food...and lots of it.
81. i find small irrelevant stories amusing.
82. when i find something extremely amusing, i will cackle until tears roll down my face.
83. receiving flowers from a guy is overrated. especially pink roses.
84. i sleep in the fetal position.
85. i have the ability to bullshit my way through any assignment that is remotely airy fairy and vague.
86. my favourite place to eat is coco lounge...the atmosphere, the place, the people, the food, the music.
87. when a good song comes on the radio in the car, i will headbang to it for the duration
88. if i don’t concentrate when someone is taking a photo of me, it will most likely turn out with me looking like i’m incredibly drunk.
89. i don’t want to get married or have kids.
90. i like to think i’m a generous and giving person. this doesn’t mean that i am a taxi driver for mates who cannot drive.
91. a good conversation with a mate helps me put everything in perspective.
92. i would rather jump out of a plane at 12000 feet than participate in public speaking.
93. in all the challenges that life has to offer, i like to think i passed all the “good friend” ones.
94. i can’t remember the last time i went on a diet. food is integral to my quality of life.
95. what i like most about me is my ass.
96. i despise small talk, however necessary it is in a social situation.
97. i get bored easily of people who cannot maintain a conversation.
98. my concoction of vanilla coke, coffee, V and lollies gets me through long days at work
99. i cannot live without music.
100. i am an experimenter by nature. two words. party pills.
101. i am relatively comfortable in my own skin.
102. i hate making up long lists of things.
     

helga 101

HELLO ME.

1. I am vain
2. I love the activity of sleeping
3. I believe in romance
4. I am a realist
5. I would like to think I am an eternal optimist
6. I overestimate my abilities
7. I sometimes think people underestimate my abilities
8. I think I am a good listener
9. I think I am emotionally stunted
10. I love to over-indulge
11. I love food
12. I love meat
13. I have irrational fears
14. I am not as innocent as what people sometimes perceive me to be
15. I have an overwhelming depth of knowledge when it comes to *ahem*
16. I am funny (I think)
17. I have a heart that’s not made of coal
18. I am loyal
19. I am not a fool
20. I do not suffer fools lightly
21. I do not appreciate being taken advantage of
22. I believe in boundaries
23. I am unique
24. I hate being stereotyped
25. I believe in equality
26. I believe in fate and destiny
27. I believe in second chances
28. I can get cranky
29. I am lazy
30. I love my bedroom
31. I love my bed
32. I hate the colour pink
33. I don’t think guys wearing pink is a sign of masculinity
34. I love Olga
35. I love Amu
36. I love doggies
37. I don’t believe in love at first sight
38. I am a materialistic kinda gal
39. I can handle the truth
40. I gossip
41. I love the idea of setting up my friends
42. I hate the idea of being set up by my friends
43. I am loud
44. I am adventurous
45. I am a people person
46. I love to talk
47. I love people talking to me
48. I hate being ignored
49. I like “me” time
50. I CAN SING
51. I can cook
52. I can drive and park a car
53. I have no sense of direction
54. I can navigate with the melway in front of me
55. I have excellent hand-eye coordination
56. I have a friend who is a self confessed hornbag
57. I think my mind is permanently in the gutter
58. I want to own my own library collection of books
59. I love my boobs
60. I don’t drink coffee
61. I love cake
62. I was alive before a relationship, I was alive during the relationship and I will continue to be alive long after the end of the relationship
63. I am independent
64. I am a slow eater
65. I don’t believe in taking advantage of my boyfriend’s credit card or his limited fortune
66. I don’t think my bum is big
67. I actually have curly/wavy hair au naturel
68. I have no teeth
69. I am named after a brand of bread
70. I am also named after a midriff exposing lady with a no good of a husband always being in space
71. I am not a blue thing
72. I don’t really like prawn on prawn foods much
73. I believe in the power of money
74. I wish i was a spook
75. I am addicted to sugar
76. I love malt
77. I love the British accent (the classy one)
78. I secretly have a “thing” for the not so good guys in movies
79. I love inspirational sports movie that inspires me
80. I hate over the top displays of public affection
81. I’ve been running around dead bodies for the last two years
82. I am actually older than I look
83. I have not once gotten into Crown casino without being asked for ID
84. I like to play poker
85. I watch way too much television
86. I have way too much random facts in my head
87. I do not play a musical instrument
88. I am spoilt
89. I am a flirt
90. I have not ripped out a guy’s heart and showed it to him whilst it’s still beating……yet
91. I cry during sad emotional parts in movies/books
92. I like words beginning in in-
93. I am clueless
94. I can separate the top half from the bottom half of my body whilst salsa dancing
95. I am not an endurance kinda person
96. I am a slob
97. I go through lots of phases
98. I am a very good liar
99. I don’t like being told what to do
100. I like to think about me a lot
101. I love you all