squirt me

there is an old saying that there is the belief that it is not the mind that possess, but rather it possess the mind.

i love criminal minds. as in the show. not the psychotic people out there with very very bad ideas. how much more fun is it to show up people who think they are smart and geniuses, and go "there you go smart arse! i'm actually smarter than you!!! hahahaha. kiss my nice, round, voluptuous booty!"

always one step ahead.

okay so let's clear up some confusion.

diary is romantic because it helps give you clear vision. now this is wonderful if you work in a deli, and it's raining outside and in walks the love of your life and you happen to see him.

second. cows can also be brown and white. and all white. and all brown. and red and purple and blue. and green.

thirdly. i would like some new shoes too. in spirit of the new season coming in and a desire to "girly" myself up for this upcoming spring/summer, i'm looking for some new sandals. go the girl in me.

fourthly. zelda, i feel so sorry for your feet! my aunt has really bad bunions and they totally freak me out.

holidays almost over

ok so we had 2 weeks off... and i've done next to no work in terms of catching up on subjects i've let slipped. so the sudden realisation that i've got less than a week left had me micromanaging myself... everything is scheduled for...
well everything except toilet breaks...

i'm confused by helga's sudden burst of blogs... diary or dairy... which is it!? and how is it romantic? did she watch 'she's the man'? and suddenly fell for a huge round block of it? i mean that block was quite impressive! didn't know helga was so fond of cheese.

one of the perks of loving cheese and all things dairy is the hardness of your nails... you know u can stand your ground in a cat fight.. [not that i grow my nails to the required length to reep these benefits] but it is a perk... and nice bones... well i hope i have nice bones... i drink so much milk it's not funny... i even feel bad for the cows when people go 'cow tipping' - for all those people: it's MEAN! they're innocent creatures that produce yummy milk for me! and they're so cute in their black and white gettup.

and over the weekend there was a shoe sale... which somehow, for whatever reason, i walked out of with 9 pairs! that's right - NINE! i've always loved my feet, pampered it with massages and nice boots... and now 9 new homes to prance around in.
i'm going to regret this when i'm 50 with larger than life bunions that require bunions surgury and then i'm like disabled for a few months.
but for now... i love them all.

skipping off in my lovely heels... toot-a-loooooooo!

S

the great experiment was carried out today.
i cooked.
someone else ate it.
i shall see if this unlucky someone else is still alive tomorrow.

side note: i can hear you all asking, why not just test out your own cooking on yourself?. simple. my tummy and immune system is what you might say....incredibly, sophisticatedly, brilliant, god-damn-kick-up-your ass good (excuse the modesty). so i have tried it on myself. 23 years later and i'm still alive. so i think that result is somewhat invalid.

days alive and counting: less than 1.
days since kinky stuff came in mail for me: more than 1. can't remember so starting counter at 1 again.

kay mart

why did no one tell me before that diary is good for romance?!?!?!?!

it would've saved a lot of effort along the way.
thanks cows. thanks farmers. thanks truck drivers. thanks safeway and coles.

what does that mean then for lactose intolerant peple?

oh gracious goomundo

today is the holy day of rest.
so i decided to drive about 20km or more without a license.
then i decided to drive that 20km or more backwards without a license.

can you guys see a theme happening there?

happy kinky helga

i think this says it all. me happy. me looking forward to next one.
courtesy of pair-ris. not hilton. the city.


p.s. will i also be getting kinky erotic souviners in addition to the postcards?

blow. candles.

and this blog is f**king 2 years old too.

so f**king happy birthday to us all.

i'm f*ing angry

and no it's not my time of month.

i have limits. i commonly say that my boundaries are quite out there. it takes ALOT to push me to my boundaries. hence why i have never been depressed. it's just way too far there for me to get too. and i'm talking either clinically depressed or "depressed" as people like to use to describe "sad", "discontent", "other fluffy words to yet again say 'i'm sad'".

but i am f*ing angry right now. yup i have been pushed to that boundary.

why am i angry? whom am i angry at? well lotsa people. lotsa reasons. ask olga, and she would be able to tell you the general issues that constantly pushes me to the anger edge. i mean she's practically heard it about once a month for like the last 4 years. same things, same people. and to you olga i apologise sincerley. i should swallow my own advice to others and tell these people to shut up/go away/take a long walk off a short pier. but yes i know. i don't. and i will pay/am paying the price of it today and possibly in the future.

so i am just gonna say this.

we are all around the mid-20's age (sue me if you're younger/older/or decrepit). that means we've all had 20 odd years to develop a brain. now people here's a clever idea...use that brain.

if you are sitting around moping thinking the sun won't shine cos you've been dumped/retrenched/dumped again etc. well omg...it must be a miracle! the sun is rising, and oh my...look! it's shining. yeah you. get off your f**king arse. life goes on.

do you constantly not know what the f**k to do? well omg! here's another clever idea! take some f**king self initative. suggest things to do, to help out, to contribute.

get off the f**king co-dependence mass of land. and i'm just not talking about boyfriends. i'm talking having to and always depending on others to do stuff for you. hey i'm all for teamwork, bonding, helping out friends. but you know what? it gets tiring real quick particularly when that person can pick up that that's how you operate/coast by/slide under the radar.

and oh yeah. get off the boyfriend/girlfriend co-dependence mass of land too. so f**king what if you've been dumped as a friend for a SO. you will and do do it too. so f**king what if your SO can't see you. it's called life. and it gets busy. which omg, is a reason you have pulled out too. probably out of your own arse too. so don't dish out the whole "world is against me". of course the world is against you. everyone is. f**king deal with it.

complain all you want. i'm not gonna listen no more (unless its for good gossip reasons). live in your own fantasy land. but here's a newsflash. you may want to think that people around you are truly that dumb and ignorant, but that's all in your head. go ahead. underestimate people.

f**king nice persona. to hell with it all. i've had enough.

jay spat on helga

jay... in his defence, he claims to be stressed and hence didn't "spit" on helga...
i dunno how that's an arguement but to jay it is and a valid one at that.
poor helga... she has jay cooties!

i'm telling princess! no more air kisses for u...

so in addition to the burping, farting and peeing that's been mentioned in recent blogs... we're adding spitting.
umm.....
apparently "an likes sperm in a cup" and then there's something about "mommies and daddies kissing..." just when i was gonna say "i hate to imagine what's next"... it just got worse.

and then i got spat on. ew. gross.
end blog.

crikey

in memory of a great true blue aussie man.

duff man

zelda - ok can you tell me outside this blog?????????????????
it's not fair to tease so enticingly and then just not say!!!! you know that's absolute torture. i demand an answer!! the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth!

okay and now i am not defending the "art" of farting, peeing, and burping for terriotrial purposes by either sex, but in fairness to princess, doesn't he have to "bask in YOUR ambience" when you do burp???

isn't it amazing just how this blog has:

1. all of a sudden gotten influxes of posts recently
   
   
2. how these influxes of posts contain content that is rather well, i'm not sure. i can't exactly find the word to describe it but i mean it's probably not what readers expect with the title of the blog being "VIKING MISTRESSES - HOT BABES GALORE" and then read posts regarding how we burp, fart and pee.
   

"my lips are sealed" - Hilary and Hailey Duff

hehehe... they are indeed... the story wouldn't be written that way only to tell u who later...
and its not my fault that meerkat manor is addictive t.v!
u really feel for them... as ugly as they are... they're still kinda cute in a butt ugly way. (yes i realise how silly that sounds... but also true... its like hot-ugly! and if u don't understand that, then you're a lost cause.)

oh and just in case u wanted to know helga... i'm a burper... less of a farter... still a big pee-er due to all the water drinking i do... but burping is more my thing... just ask princess!
oh and princess is the farter... i frequently have to "bask in the ambience".
we're too comfortable for our own good... i think i can offically say that the honeymoon period is over. once u fart... its died!

fart faces

ok so maybe...just maybe if i was a meerkat i might think about farting and peeing everywhere to tell others..."BUGGER OFF".

BUT...now here's the catch ladies and gentlemen...i'm not a meerkat...repeat. not. a. meerkat.
so i think i might leave the farting and peeing territory marking antics up to those lovely creatures and you zelda. i know how much you enjoy farting and peeing. and it doesn't even have to involve marking out territories!!!

but speaking of zelda...

this is an order. you must now expand and tell us about this cutting lunch thing. who's the girl? who's the great guy? who's the cutting lunch guy? spill sister!

p.s i wonder if people do make fart faces.

2 down

you know i take it all back.
an airport is not a romantic place. NOT AT ALL.

it's s depressing place.
all those goodbye's, farewell's, ai dieu's, bon vaoyage's. god damn it. it's sad. yes that's right S-A-D. say it all with me people. "SAAAAA-ADD".

so i want to thank you mr airport. i want to thank you for breaking my diet. i had to go and eat a pie for some comfort. bloody goodbye's i tell ya. it's even made me sound like a bloody ocker bogan.

days since olga left for eww-rope: 4
days since helga has not received kinky, erotic pressie: 4

know that i love u.....

awww... our poor blog has well... lasped into a coma!
kudos for helga, for trying to revive it... but now i'm here... to help save it.. super Z to the rescue... damn zorro already has the trademark "z" otherwise i might go around slashing things to mark it...
which i think is a better way of marking ur territory... unlike the other suggestion raised in the bailieu... farting and peeing is unadvised!

ok here's a situation... left for anyone that still reads this:
girl has great guy.... girl meets boy... girl gets along with boy... boy knows about great guy but considers "cutting someone's lunch"... girl made it clear - she's happy with guy...
so now all the icky stuff is out in the open and girl and boy (hopefully) has moved on...
is it ok for them to be friends!?? or is that too weird? and wrong?
umm... gee things get complicated over nothing!

i rock, u rock

move over george, move over brad
there's a new man in town!

i just don't know where the heck he is. or where the town is frankly.

days since olga left for eew-rope: 2
days since helga has not received her kinky, erotic souviner: 2

i'm waiting!!!!!!

but that leads me to ask, if people were to say go to sexpo what present would they most likely bring back to spice up the ol' love life?

me? i would like christian bale. oh wait? what is that you're telling me? he's not on sale there? what a pity. well then i'm not too sure. i'm too sweet, innocent and pure to know what is available at a place such as sexpo.

i mean i'm already going to hell just by spelling out the bad S-word.

and it all falls to me

okay so we've lost the skanky ho.
the skanky ho has left us.
skanky ho will not be available for two months.
unless skanky ho has enough money to spend on internet cafe.

sooooo, it all falls to me to well talk to this brick wall i guess.

what can i say?

hmmmm.....well strangely yes i do miss the skanky ho. strangely skanky ho can be missed. so now i miss skanky ho. on top of that another important person will be leaving at the end of this week. so i shall miss that person too. how i shall miss so many people. but then i guess it provides the best opportunity to get in touch and and reconnect with those that i have drifted away from unfortunately in the mean time.

but then its strange is it not? that these thoughts don't really come into one's head until its too late al la the loss of a friend.

but let it be known. i am proud and extremely happy that skanky ho has gone on this sojourn journey of hers. its a dream and now its an achievement. skanky ho. have fun.

bring me back some kinky erotic thing from amsterdam. actually skanky ho, just bring me back any kinky erotic thing from everywhere.

goodbye goodbye goodbye

and so...goodbye. the eve of a wonderful adventure (i hope).

till we meet again in two months time.

goodbye.

i'm sure (no wait, i KNOW) that some will be glad to see me go to some foreign land far far away.

but that's ok, i'll be glad to see me go too.

goodbye!

blergh

one must remember when hosting leaving drinks that one must not overdo the drinking.

because one will inevitably end up with a horrendous hangover that lasts til 7.09pm.

i would say "never again" but most likely i will do it again because the few sensible brain cells i possess are probably wasted away from the alcohol.

i should be packing.

squishing

i rather like writing here every night. although it's more like chattering incessantly to a brick wall...but i've come to like that too.

but tonight's dilemma is about packing the contents for a two month trip into a 55 L backpack. how does one do it?? i've heard everything from space bags to zip lock bags to just plain shoving everything into any space you can find.

so instead i've abandoned the idea of packing and started buying all the things i need to shove into my brand new RED backpack. except i have this constant nagging worry that i'm going to forget something. uh oh, time to write a list.

does anyone have any suggestions about things i may have missed out on? only SIX more days to GoOoOOOOOOoO!!

ah HAH!

why hello again. due to the overwhelming non-response presented here, i have decided to just keep babbling on about nothing.

which is what i do best.

i think i have done something to my ankle because it hurts like crazy when i walk. granted it hurts like crazy when i walk in bad shoes. hmm...i see a pattern here.

7 more days to go!!! and yet so much still to do. such organisational skills.

tick tick tick BOOM

i was distracted completely today while i was trying to pack for the big trip. somehow i unearthed all the stuff from my 21st. cards, message boards, photos, all that stuff. what surprised me the most was that it was only a year and a half ago, yet it seems like a lifetime ago. how's that for drama eh?

so how does time operate exactly? each year flies by disturbingly fast where any number of things can happen. new relationships are formed, friendships dissolve into nothing, careers change, life moves on.

and then before you know it, it's christmas time again...then new year's eve...then hey, another year starts. i guess you really have to make the most of time...before it slips through the cracks. but at the age of 22 and 23...i guess you could say we have all the time in the world.

YOU CANNOT SILENCE ME

I have just been busy...

anyway...OMG WHO'S IMELDA??? even i am confused.

now...doesn't green look ever so pretty?