I AM BACK

finally. i have my computer up and running again. YIPPEE!! yes, i have moved...actually i moved about 2 weeks ago. so much time has passed and so much mess still in olga's room. i am starting up my wall of protest again. well it's not a wall of protest...mainly it's just my wardrobe doors covered in the "sentimental crap" (quoted by amy & jeannie) that i have collected over the years. i have just done that "x for things you have done"...do party pills counts as hard drugs? MAUAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAH. oh and i've been skydiving too!

i don't really have much to say...surprise surprise...except that i went on my first bus ride to the city to go to work today. it was quite fascinating really...nothing like having to sit on a train for 45 mins to make you appreciate a bus ride that goes on the FREEWAY! ok no it wasn't that fascinating.

olga's thought for the day: T MiNUS 13 days until my 21st BIRTHDAY! *nudges*

saving the day, the ninja way

x for things you HAVE DONE
(x) snuck into the movies
(x) snuck out of the house
(x) gotten lost in your city - all the time
(x) saw a shooting star
(x)been to any other countries besides the united states
( ) kissed a stranger
(x) hugged a stranger
( ) been in a fist fight
( ) been arrested
( ) pushed all the buttons on an elevator
( ) swore at your parents
(x) been to a casino
( ) been skydiving
(x) been to court
( ) broken a bone
(x) skipped school
( ) gotten stitches
( ) been to Niagara Falls
( ) gotten the chicken pox
( )shoplifted
( ) had a crush on someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
(x) lied to a friend
( ) had a crush on a teacher
(x) seen someone die
(x) Been on a plane
(x) been in a bar
( ) Purposely set a part of myself on fire
( ) lost a child
( ) done hard drugs
( ) tried killing yourself
( ) purposely hurt yourself
(x) love someone or miss someone right now - wondering who???

courtesy to http://shorty666.blogspot.com
interesting sites that i have stumbled upon in utter boredom -

• http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/numa.php - loud and proud
• http://soulfulcitizen.blogspot.com - american counterpart of the mind
• http://crosstalking.blogspot.com - interpreting the bible
• http://stampsresource.blogspot.com - for the love of stamps
• http://brandonsartgirls.blogspot.com - to inspire you anne, may we see you up there soon
• http://to-play-poker.blogspot.com - for the poker-rinian in all of us

1 hr later and i still haven't "next blogged" myself back to our page...the quest continues.

the sisterhood of the travelling pants

we jumped
we jived
we rocked & rolled
our booties got some shakin'

the perfect man

knows what makes her tick,
could be anywhere in the world,
but chooses to be with her,
because life is better with her by his side
gives women a single orchid
because he knows it makes her feel like she's floating,
floating on a cloud of infinite possibility...

there is such a thing as perfect,
and it's out there.

an ode to harry...

may many learn from him
may there be more of him
and may we be lucky enough to one day find him

a bad wedding leads to a good marriage
and being flammable gets your friend to gold

i'm leaving...on a jet plane

well actually no i'm not. i'm staying in melbourne to slave away selling clothes and spend some much needed time sleeping. for besides gorging on chocolate, what else is there to do when nothing is open? i have been thinking (yes, it's a miracle). what with all this kerfuffle about all men being bastards (which most of them are), we have lost the essence of this blog. which is spreading subtle malicious rumours about each other. or writing about the small worthwhile events that happen from day to day. actually, it's more fun writing about all that other stuff. the posts that ooze sarcasm and cynicism and the unique brand of viking mistress humour that noone else seems to understand.

i think life is too much about being 'serious' and 'grown up' and that dreaded word...'mature'. well that's just silly. i think there are a lot more ways of showing that you have aged intellectually and socially as well as physically. remember, all work and no play makes you a very dull person.

so my small worthwhile happening was that i had so many awesome conversations last night on the phone...during yes time of course. i was thinking that it would take me 2 mins max to get on the phone, say hi, get their address so i could send them an invite and be off on my merry way. but i realised that it's so much better to chat and catch up because hell, i call some of these people once in a blue moon. and then i realised why i'm inviting these people...well der, because they're my friends. but also because surrounding yourself with awesome people makes you a better person. people who can make you laugh until you're on the ground crying from it, people who egg you on to take 'naughty substances', people who make your day that much brighter. and it doesn't really matter how long it's been since you talked to them...you always pick up right where you left off the last time around.

ok you can't tell this, but i had a tute today that's mostly about 'reflection' and all that airy fairy jazz. and i need something to keep me going for the next hour or so before i have to head into work. and i've had my say. i don't give a damn if noone comments.

NOTE: this is not a gesture of peace. this is just something my thoughts happened to touch on while i was spaced out from the lack of sleep.

message from helga...

YOU GO GIRLFRIEND

love ya thought of the day...ROCK ON BABY!!!

immature little girls

so we have found something new to blog about. THE IDIOCY OF MEN. not only are they bastards, they are also IDIOTIC and have NO SENSE OF HUMOUR. oh BOO HOO that they have people commenting on their blogs. and what was that? that we are IMMATURE LITTLE GIRLS WITH NOTHING BETTER TO DO IN LIFE? i'm sure that posting insults about people is a much better use of time.

[quote] then there was this whole series on flirting and ripping men's hearts [unquote]...i don't even need to defend viking mistresses on this because there were so many disclaimers it wasn't funny. obviously one requires a SENSE OF HUMOUR and the ability to READ PROPERLY to get the joke. one more thing. FREEDOM OF SPEECH. we can write whatever we frigging well want. and if some people choose to rip into us merely to have something to blog about...then go ahead.

i'm bored of this. i'm going to let helga have her say and then we're going to find people who have more interests in life other than cameras and pink shirts.

olga's thought of the day: we might be weirdos, but damn we laugh about it

our invasion

MUAH HAH HAH...

you should be scared

fannie, you do realise that it's basically 2 against 1 here, since shaz has disappeared from this blog. so MUAHAHAHAHHA. get ready mate, you're GOING DOWN! although you can't really say reputation ruining stuff that hasn't already been said, i've got a lot of dirt on you. well actually i don't, but i can MAKE it UP! so you might want to wear some sort of armour.

TO SHAZ AND FANNIE: YOUR BOYFRIENDS CAN'T PROTECT YOU ON THIS BLOG. AND THEY CANNOT PROTECT YOU FROM INDEPENDENT SINGLE WOMAN VIKING MISTRESS POWER. HAH!

ohhhh la la!!!!

am shaking in my little [well not so little] jeans!
BRING IT ON!!!!!
we all know who's the more evil one here!

annie...

be scared...
be very very scared...

one-two-three-four i declare a viking mistresses war.

hummmm

bugger that...used wrong orange! have IP work to do. am hating IP. in total confusion over what to actually do. am making things up. will be in trouble come monday. max and *ahem* will murder me. monday is yoga day. good stuff i hope. pilates=sore stomach for 4 days! have also got psy report to do. conventions to follow! oh hell! am totally stuffed this week. oh and its HOLY week! bugger bugger bugger. jeannie should date wayn [everyone thats wayne without the 'e']! they make a cute couple. so the whole genetics foreplay is no longer there. jeannie moved to anatomy [and we all know who does anatomy]! but there is still some chemistry there. otherwise he would not be sitting there wasting time [and breath] on describing jeannie's dream boy. which according to his description can be HIM! i think that is a major hint. *winkwink nudgenudge* time to jump on him already jeannie. we know ur not shy! hehe. just kidding. i actually don't want weird images in my head [or other ppl's heads]. shudders. oh subject of dating. ally should date anne! its about damn time! must got back to stupid IP work. will continue to ramble when i can be bothered.
love cupid!

hello world... it is me...

hello world... it is me... life should be... FUN for everyone!!!! which is totally non existant if u have a particular someone in ur life... she'll make ur life hell cause she has no life...
thanks jeans for that LOVELY blog where u detailed every single particular in ur life... i think there should be more just like that! [no please don't!!!! it was very boring!... u can go back to ur lesbian ways!!! please i beg u to!] how hell... am getting kicked out of lab... will continue when can access another computer...

on behalf of garry...the weird one

garry (the weird pink muscle top wearing guy) is sitting in here next to ali and as this is such a special occasion this blog is dedicated to him...

garry has said the following deep, profund and highly intellectual things -

• he has admitted he is weird
• he has proclaimed his love of all things pink
• he would like people to send him pink roses so he can go out on a date with them (he's also not fussy which gender you are)
• he has admitted that he too is creepy cos he is friends with CMG
• he has admitted that he is scared of moi (helga)

now i would go on but this is too much pink for me

olga's massage parlour

ok that sounds a little kinky but anyway. these hands are magic i tell you -wiggles her fingers- i should quit OT now and just open up a massage place and charge exorbitant amounts for a massage. i think our posts are getting shorter and shorter. so buggered. selling clothes tires me out.

olga's thought for the day: getting a big bedroom is exciting!

bwaaaaa waaaaa haaaaa...

man i am so damn bored.

helga..the sexy little teapot, short and stout

a special hello....

to my darlin annie (no not anne.....) i just realised that you're not gonna be reading this anytime soon but anyhoo...
hope this makes you happy!! and for once to be a sheep...

today i woke up at 8am
brushed teeth
had shower
washed hair
got changed
printed notes for uni lectures
drove to uni
went to classes
saw people/friends
ate lunch
went and looked at dead bodies
sat in front of computer typing out blog
met amy
dropped amy home
drove myself home
eat dinner
sit in front of tv (CSI night)
brush teeth
change into pj's
tuck myself into bed
go to sleep
repeat the next morn'

wow...malicious content in blogs are way more exciting...
FAT BABIES PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

then i shall live dangerously

too...much...work! and so little time for everything. even blogging. so this is a gonna be a teeny one. i'm moving in a few days. sob. we've sold our old house. so farewell to the old...and hello to a new beginning in chonkaster.

olga's thought for the day: going to the gym is all very well and good if you have a very VERY good sports bra on.

let's start the bidding!!

i am apparently for sale (and no not in THAT way you naughty naughty people)....

cheapest - karaoke cd going for US$2.00
dearest - jeannie painting for US$900.00

START YOUR BIDS!!

oh anne this one's for you....

HBA Health Insurance's thought of the day - "Being single is dangerous"

professor helga jeanz

giving up my day job...for a bit...

to my dear readers...i have decided to retire from the art of heart ripping for a time. and so dr olga changes her focus to the deep profound questions that circle the meaning of life. *SCOFFS* YEAH RIGHT. sorry guys, i'm not THAT philosophical. although, i have decided to write about something that does not involve the words "all men are bastards". oh, and to answer any questions about that...no i do not think that all men are bastards, nor do i hate them. i have plenty of guy friends that i respect (well, most of them anyway). furthermore, i have not had my heart BROKEN and nor am i desperate for a guy. i am simply me for now. -smirks-

SO! on to our topic of discussion for tonight. TRANSPARENCY. no not the tracing paper type. i'm talking about the actions of people that are so predictable...as see through and clear as water. yes we are all transparent at times...i guess that's what makes us human. it allows our friends to read our actions and perhaps respond accordingly (or egg us on). there are some instances where the tranparent friend does not even know that they are being transparent. do we burst their bubble? play along? what do we do? i guess it's a matter of how good a friend you are. and what our friend is being transparent about.

yes this is a whole load of babble, but it makes for good reading. i hope anyway. well, i gathered a few examples to help you understand a bit better. soooooo...."you know your friend is being transparent when..."

• they call you up to ask you what time you finish work, when all they really want to know is if you are going to the olga berg sale and if you can buy them something that you actually wanted in the first place!
• they ask you what you are doing the next day...and you know they just want you to cover their shift at work
• they ask you stupid hypothetical questions involving "a friend" when it's really about them
• they ask you if you have a credit card, and two seconds later ask if you can purchase their flight tickets online!
• they don't outright say that they fancy a guy, but they spend a lot of time "talking" (that is...FLIRTING) with guy
• this is the clincher...THEY ASK YOU IF YOU DROVE OR ARE DRIVING TO SO-AND-SO'S PARTY...you know the rest of this story.

alright, so maybe the alternative word is "PREDICTABLE". but there it is. i've had my attempt at being deep and meaningful...and to show another dimension of me. *bursts out laughing* and so adieu, parting is such sweet sorrow.

dr olga bean [expert in observing transparency, but often not so good at picking out her own transparencies]

flirt lesson #4 - the art of ferrero roche

boys and girls there is only one way to eat a ferrero roche...munching that delicate ball of chocolate in half and then proceeding to crunch the living daylights out of it is just poor form...

one needs to be delicate, gentle.
one must savour each layer before moving onto the next.
one must appreciate the subtle art of the sensation of melting chocolate.
one must practice the art of patience....good things come to those who wait.
one should not be too rough.
one needs to know the limitations of the chocolate.
one should be creative with one's way with the chocolate....imagination is the only limitation.
one needs to enjoy the chocolate.

ladies and gentlemen...let the games begin.

professor helga jeanz of DADA (Defense Against Dodgy Arseholes)

ripping lesson #4: dangle newly ripped out heart in front of his face

ah yes, dr olga has had a bit of a break to mull over her latest lesson. i have been busy gathering a loyal following of this blog...hello to my lovely uni girls! at least i have visual proof that our "literary genius" is indeed funny. anyway, now for lesson #4. hopefully you have all been successful in ripping some guy's heart out...therefore it is now time to rub it in. pour some salt into the wound. burst his bubble a little bit more. deflate his already low-as-scum ego. and if anyone is having severe lapses of conscience...let me tell you this...THE BASTARD DESERVED IT! so moving on dear students...

• keep repeating lessons #1 through #3...but just mix up the order you do them in
• call him up and pretend to want him back. decide to meet somewhere. then resoundingly and satisfyingly stand him up.
• what with all the emotional bashing, he won't be a happy chappie. make the bugger cry. depending on how much you think of the guy...this can be done anyway you wish. kick him in the balls. burn his pink shirt. be so extremely nice and sweet to him.
• and when he starts to cry, give him a bit of a hug or a pat on the back. then have your new guy (or any willing guy friend) come pick you up...and sweep you off your feet. parting words? "this is how it's supposed to be done"
• if he was not a cheap bastard, and he actually gave you something...pack it all nicely into a box and give it back. or if you wish, burn it in front of him
• go and do something you know he would absolutely loathe. cut your hair short. wear tracksuit pants. listen to anything he hates.
• and finally...to end this saga...walk away and never turn back. SOME GUYS JUST AREN'T WORTH IT!

and so we come to sort of an ending. i know there were only 4 lessons...so i might add a few bonus ones here and there. if it was a bit of a disappointment...so sorry! i seem to have lost my little mean streak (HAHA, yeah...right).

if i can think of anything else, i will add it in as...i dunno...a case study or something! so you can all have a few examples to refer to.

cheers, dr olga bean

WooOooOHooOOO!

i can safely say that i have now caught up on reading every single blog...sad i know but ive been quite outta it...so now i am up to date on all these lessons ...so bring on more of the blogz i say!! =p

flirt lesson #3 : everyday is a valentine's day...

much like everyday is a saturday, everyday is indeed a valentine's day and boys this one's for you -

every man's love checklist -

• dinner for the lady - if feeling abit adventurous or lack of money then a home cooked meal really touches the heart; if feeling just damned lazy then out for a fine dining experience will allow the lady to hit you in one of the places that hurts most...the hip pocket..we know you're cheap guys
• chocolates for the lady - 99.9% of all chickadees love chocolate of all shapes, sizes, colors, and flavours...guys you can never go wrong except if you hook that 0.1% and you give too much that your lady friend begins to think you're fattening them
• flowers for the lady - yet again 99.9% of all chickadess APPRECIATES the idea of flowers...except for those 0.1% of us chickadees who either prefer weird arse birds of paradise/poisonious tropical plants or those of us who just don't really like it cos in the end they die
• lap dog for the lady - and i don't mean the woof woof kind too...yes boys there are those of us chicks out there who enjoy and revel in the reality that we wear the pants in the relationship and so for those chicks out there, boys just do every thing that she asks when she asks no questions asked
• diamonds for the lady - what can i say?? we all love things bright, shiny and damn expensive
• hallmark cards for the lady - roses are red, violets are blue, we like mushy crap like this, oh yes we do

and so before i make myself sick i shall end today's lesson
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY PEOPLE! and don't think that i know its the 7th of March but my valentine's was spent jumping 109m into the unknown called a canyon...let me have my fun.

professor helga jeanz....treasurer of viking bloodsports (hi contiki girls and boys!!)

ripping lesson #3: RiP AWAY!!! (part 2)

ok girls, so we've gone through the basics of what to do when a guy asks you out. what happens if you are already dating this guy who only now exposes himself as the most arrogant bastard alive? not only that, but he may have the poor misfortune of being too suffocating...being too much of a MUMMY'S BOY...or just being a sleazy, egocentric, self-obsessed MALE. therefore, part 2 is where we move on to the break-up. you may for some reason or another (i would have no idea what these reasons would be) stay with the guy a bit longer...just to see if things change. but there are only three words that need to be said...DUMP THE BASTARD!

Part 2: BREAK-UP

• we'll start with the classic..."it's not you, it's me"...although you could spice it up a bit..."it's not me...it's you...it's definitely you"
• (special jeannie request) "i just don't want to lie to my parents anymore" i HAD to add it in!
• "i love you but i'm not IN love with you"...this is the silliest thing i have ever heard in my entire life...but whatever works
• change your phone number, move addresses and conveniently "forget" to tell your "boyfriend"
• "you're not [insert adjective] enough". we recommend the following adjectives - intelligent, strong, funny, hot, independent...etc
• and if that doesn't kill him...this sure will..."you're not BIG enough"
• "it's not working out...but i still want to be friends...i'll call you"...right..."lose" his phone number right now
• you could just try the good old standby...snob him off until he gets the idea. the message is more clear if you roll your eyes every time you see him
• "i think of you more as a brother"...this one isn't recommended...BECAUSE you are dating this guy, and it would therefore imply that you have been dating your brother. ew.
• snog another guy in full view of your "boyfriend" (this one is only to be done if you have the balls to carry it out)...although this could be counted as "cheating"...so it's not highly recommended. we may rip hearts out, but we do it in an ethical way.

i only just remembered that i had a much better post, which i lost when my bloody computer stuffed up. so rest assured that this is a modified version. hang on to your seats...the lessons are almost done!

dr olga bean....president of viking mistress bloodsports

orchids

i'm a bit tired and uncreative tonight. so i too shall take a sickie. plus i really need to work myself up into a frenzied outrage to do these lessons, and unfortunately it just doesn't seem to be happening. so you, our faithful readers will be exempt from the wrath of olga tonight. i hope you all do know how much sarcasm goes into these lessons...and reading our DISCLAiMER might help you understand that we are JOKiNG!!!

olga's thought for the day: it is not good when you start peeling three weeks after you get extremely tanned

dr olga bean [expert in heart ripping]

sickies...

dear students of mine,

today's lesson has been delayed due to your teacher (moi) having a few misfortunes occuring in her life simultaneously. they are as follows...

1. i'm actually sick...like for real
2. i hit my head on the train window on the way home yesterday....twice
3. i had an 8am lecture this morning and i actually turned up

so in the mean time homework is to practice, practice, practice (cos it makes you perfect) the first two lessons. there will be a test. failure is not an option. i'll be back.

Professor Helga Jeanz

Olga, i actually turned this blog that disgusting pink colored template just before...it kinda reminded me of how i said that bobamy bought that fluro blue and brown printed top that made you want to tear your eyes out from the searing pain. yeah that's how much i liked it.

p.s libby said we're cute!

back to black

ok so we're back to the same template because ali just told me his friend had the same other dotty template. i guess it was nice to see a different design for a bit.

i got bored

i think change is always good.