how to get your man, and eat it too...

love advice from Gabrielle Solis..

"you have to kiss alot of frogs to find your man"

olga, keep kissing them. one will turn out to be a prince one day.

MR anonymous

was friday 28th Nov of a particular significance/importance/having to dress up with a whole bunch of other ppl in your best work clothes to make a presentation kinda day for you??

if not would you be able to due to the absoulte kindess you possess in your heart, give me the name of the country you reside in currently? the city? the suburb?

XY

okay mr anonymous....should i be refering to you as a ms anonymous instead?

ciao bella

1 more day and then i'm out of frankston and i'm sure as hell looking forward to it.
the entire 10 weeks came crashing down on me today, and olga is now physically and mentally exhausted.

someone get me a drink. a strong alcoholic one.

mr anonymous # 3

yes i do see the irony in that i couldn't properly phrase that question properly. let's just put it down to the remarkable multitasking abilities of women, who whilst utilising the skill, sometimes slips up once in a very blue moon while. however i was not questioning your educational qualifications, i was merely enquiring after it. but hey that's just all technicalities. onto the important stuff.

so did you move onto teriary study? are you currently studying at a tertiary institution? will you be finishing soon? will you be doing further post grad study?

would you be able to provide some form of a (even brief would satisfy this insane curiosity of mine) profile of yourself on your blog? i still have only one person in mind as to whom you may be.

mr anonymous #2

okay that means i have rounded it down to only one possible person...
okay so i don't mean to be so prudent but what are you education (or soon to be educational) qualifications?

VICTORY!!!!

and the winners of fav vikers are......(*drumroll*).....

TEAM LEMONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it was a good fight gals, but alas the better team won.
we (olga and helga) would like to thank our mummy's and daddy's cos it was a time before such modern technology and therefore we really would not be here if it was not for them. we would also like to thank team clinton for without them we wouldn't have had this battle of the wits. thank you zelda so much for creating team lemons, made up of boob flasher anna nicole smith (olga) and a overthrown dictator (helga). we would also like to thank the following people...

1. mr anonymous (from the southern hemisphere)
2. D-A-N
3. ali
4. Mr Soh (the diplomatic one)
5. mr jashman
6. ourselves

we sincerly love all you guys. you make our world turn round and round. that and money.
and for that these jingles have come to a stop.

mr anonymous

okay i've rounded it down to two possible people that you could be...
can you at least tell me which hemisphere of this planet you are from?

fav viker update # 4

TEAM LEMON - 5
TEAM CLINTON - 5

GO TEAM!

give me a D...give me an A...give me an N...what does that spell? DAN!!!

gOoOOOoOOoOOOO DAN! now we know who our true loyal readers are.

i believe this puts us on par with team clinton.

the battle continues

okay, now here's the deal...

IF YOU WANT TEAM LEMONS TO STOP WRITING VERY, INCREDIBLY BAD JINGLES YOU GUYS BETTER START VOTING FOR US (THIS MEANS YOU ALI!). OTHERWISE NOT ONLY WILL MORE JINGLES COME SPROUTING FROM OUR DELECTABLE HEADS AND ONTO THIS BLOG, BUT WE WILL ALSO START SPILLING SECRETS SUCH AS WHICH GUY DRIVES AROUND IN A PINK TOYATO ECHO (WE DO KNOW WHO YOU ARE).

we tried being nice, we tried being sweet, we even tried being cute and smart.
obviously that does not work so now onto plan b.

team clinton is winning

yay! another vote and we didn't even have to write a jingle. too good. that's why u need a world figure on ur team and not a fruit[loop].
have u found a celebrity yet helga??? cause at the moment clinton is winning, i'm powerful and i get some action. what more can u want?!?
it's night 2 of my training in my new position and i'm scared i'll break something. bound to happen soon.
back - have 20 mins of nothing time and i wish i charged my ipod now so i have music to listen to.
there there ally - this vote thing is over/almost over.. there is no one left that reads the blog to vote, and things will go back to normal. blogs about nothing and everything.
i'm not ready for week12! 2 papers to write. helga i haven't written my wk11 paper yet. oh crap and i hope that janet isn't marking it. such a busy time now and then BOOM christmas is here! oh and my birthday! woo-hoo i'll be 22!
i have a throat infection and i wonder if its a communicable disease??? if so - no one around me has caught it. i think i've got high public health morality. big tick to my self realisation!
i'm on the way to that enlightened place. now i wish i wrote music so i can prance around the office singing and dancing.
ok reading back i realise its october and november hasn't happened yet.... but that time of the year FLYS! or is it FLIES? but that looks like the bug/insect!? ok am a confessed poor speller...
anyways - the system needs nursing now.
helga - i think team clinton has WON!

give me an L!

we're lovely and we're fine
we sure know how to dine
we may seem sour
but we have all the power
vote LEMON now
and we will take a bow!

(jeez i didn't really think i had the ability to rhyme)

your number 1!!!!!!!!!!!!

we're young, we're hot
we're everything team clinton's not
vote for us
and we'll go get a bus!

goooooooooo team lemons! (not team melons. and definately not team HUGE melons)

p.s mr anonymous, i am glad that you are not a random internet person, but may i have a clue as to your identity? call it my abundace of cynicism but without some idea of who you are, it just makes me think that it is indeed olga playing some kinda joke. a first name perhaps? have we actually met before? spoken? some form of comMunication??? [HELGA]

GOOOOO TEAM LEMONS!

We're loud, we're cool
And we know that you want too
Cast your vote our way
And we'll make your day!!

GOOOOOOO TEAM LEMONS!

Vote 1 for Lemons. And have your voice heard.

Judge Viker

apparently we have been allocated high legal powers from a Rick James to sentence Mr. Chunks. firstly i don't even know if Mr. Chunks still visits us (our scare tactics may have worked) or even this Rick James (have we met before??) but we fair maidens believe in innocent before guilty so if either of you guys do actually still visit us please provide your side of the arguement.

Mr. Anonymous

as much as i am liking this sudden onset of affection from you, i am also a little curious as to who you are. so would you, kind, generous you, be able to provide me some details? clues perhaps so that i may at least try and guess who you may be?

much appreciated,
helga.

fav viker update # 3.

please note that numbers provided next to team name is the total votes that has been combined from the team members. the number next to each viker's name is that viker's own individual tally. enjoy!

TEAM LEMONS - 4
1. Helga (2)
2. Olga (2)

TEAM CLINTON (formerly known as TEAM BILL CLINTON formerly known as TEAM FRIDA) - 4
1. Zelda (2)
2. Frida (2)

* zelda please note that to keep this poll absolutely fair, frida's significant other vote is invalid as that is a biased vote.*

so...the race is neck and neck.

war of the viking roses

battlelines have been drawn up! no longer is it now viker vs. viker but instead we have teamed up against each other (olga, you have no choice in this but to be on my team cos zelda has lumped us together).

TEAM LEMONS
1. Helga
2. Olga

TEAM BILL CLINTON (formerly known as TEAM FRIDA)
1. Zelda
2. Frida

so it's the well endowed vs. the not so well endowed. let the games begin!

team frida

what's with all the voting??? and the lemons campaigning for each other/themselves. well now i think frida should win... and here are some of the reasons why u would all vote frida

• most importantly i'm on team frida - so my vote goes to frida!! she's on 2
• she's the only one that isn't single so that's like another vote for her [from nicki] she's on 3

so the clear leader is frida!!!!

• she has a lot of road rage [if u don't vote for her she might run u down]
• she's also the nicest of the vikers - here's a girl that would be photographed holding babies and feeding old people - ur heart will melt
• and lastly cause we don't want the lemons especially helga to win [i think that's the most important point there - we don't want the LEMONS to win! they're the ones will accidents in bikinis! so u want ur fav. viker to be a boob flasher?!? NO of course NOT! and if u said yes then i'm taking away ur right to vote under the antipervet rule. i ain't running democracy its a aniocracy]

GO TEAM FRIDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! VOTE 1 FOR FRIDA

-zelda

OLGA IS THE BEST

i want to place my vote for olga because she is such a great friend and that is why she is the best viker. also because she has bigger boobs than me, although i am almost as big as her. i strive to be bigger than her. and soon i will be.

olga is such a good viker because she can drive me around places and never asks for rides home and faithfully drives down to endeavour hills to spend time with me. also because she works for esprit and buys me clothes and i'm in such debt to her.

oh how she is such a good friend.

MR ANONYMOUS

COME BACK!!! AND PLEASE PROVIDE A NAME!! THAT WAY I CAN TRULY FEEL LOVED. INSTEAD OF ZELDA SITTING NEXT TO ME LAUGHING....AT ME. THIS IS THE ONLY WAY I CAN VALIDATE YOUR VOTE ON THE POLL.

VOTE 1 HELGA

cos without her our world would not be as complete as it currently is. GO HELGA.

fav viker update #2

we've all gotten off the mark (thanks to mr quebeck loving all of us)! but zelda is still holding onto a slender lead...who shall ever win this race?!?!?!

zelda - 2
olga - 1
helga - 1
unknown viker - 1

congrats to princess mary and her baby boy! good to see that the lovely danes are still following ol' viking tradtion. let the bonfires burn!

fav viker update...

and it seems that zelda has burst out of the blocks and taken the slight lead!

Zelda - 1
Olga - 0
Helga - 0
Unknown viker (frida) - 0

RULES amended...

4. all voters must provide a name...no votes will be taken into account that is listed under 'anonmyous'

p.s don't think i don't know you are campaigning for yourself ms olga smoulga, under the pretext of 'anonymous'!!

let them have cake!

well the challenge has been put out so let the games begin...

[from anonymous..]

VOTE FOR YOUR FAVOURITE VIKING AND STATE WHY.

1. olga
2. helga
3. zelda
4. unknown viking (this means frida who is more of a silent partner)

RULES.

1. no viker can vote for themselves (and you can't do a dodgy and make up some random person in the comments section and vote for yourself)
2. reasons why betta be valid!
3. you can vote as many times for each viker but then a different reason must be given.
4. no paying others to vote for you vikers! there shall not be any sense of bribery occurring!

please note this post will not have any clues as to who wrote this so that this poll may remain as fair and unbiased as we vikers can possible make it. so that means no voting for yourself fellow vikers!

lets hear it fellas.
p.s this is not a new viker. this color is just to hide the identity of the viker who is writing this. it has no significance except that it is not used by a fellow viker. though it does add a certain "zing" to the blog.

continuing my new era

i blogged and it got lost. so a lot of hard work vanished - that was a few days ago and its taken this long for me to attempt this again.
so helga and olga are having a lovers tiff on the blog - who would have thought the lemon twosome would ever - not me!
so i haven't embraced the loud question girl or snozza and co but the era has definitely started- who would have thought that the end of a 2.5 year relationship would be so exciting and liberating - again the answer not me! but it is. i didn't think so at first but there is a mysterious element in my life and its potential is really exciting... my future looks different - bigger? better? who knows and who cares... i love it!
and i have such great friends that will go speed dating with me for fun.... yes my curiosity has led me there - is it really like the movies? do they really ring a bell? and if someone told me they worked for TRU ENERGY would i be excited? or stand up and move on? well am now in position to check it out and report back. me and helga feel its our duty to see what it's like.
i feel like a relationship mythbuster! time to start my own magazine!
-zelda

i'm fine thanks

dear olga is home early this weekend as that beautiful thing called an ADO has come around. i have been hanging for a day off for 8 weeks...so i see it fitting to have one. muahahaah. off to lakes entrance with me...to get some much needed rest.

no offence to any of our loyal readers...but i really need a break from everything and everyone.

i was thinking about my little post about change and what it does to people. it has the ability to make or break friendships...and that in itself is a powerful thing. what happens when a friendship dissolves? can we end a friendship as easily as a relationship? say our goodbyes and just turn our backs and walk away? in my experience...you usually just stop calling, stop talking and gradually drift apart like ships at sea. it's a sad thing really.

and then there are those that you're stuck with for life.

but my point is that noone remains static for long in this lifetime. it's whether you can change as part of an evolving process and still remain the same person at the core of it all.

maybe it's just time to let go...and babble on and make horrendously non-sensical posts.

the aftermath...

wow...sounds like i should have more quater/mid-life crisis's happening on in my life. it sure gets the blood pumping.

so the aftermath huh?? well here's my observations..

• it sure was quick for some to begin pointing fingers as to the trigger that blew me up
  
• names were being mentioned as to the possible cause...i thought it would've just been "hmm...i wonder who it could be??"
  
• (love ya zelda...please don't kill me) she was the only one who didn't have an idea as to who it could've been
• this wasn't a tantrum...
  
• i didn't even realise that there were more underlying things that contributed to the mental/emotional breakdown
  
• you get one hell of a headache from it all

so there you go. it was one hell of a catharsis.
now enough about me. how are you?

i've learnt my lesson...

don't try to give yourself a haircut...there's a reason why they have to undergo training in the first place.

wow i do feel better

go the twix.

my quarter life crisis...

i'm 3 years too early for it, but heck i guess i won't be as worried when i am actually 25.

so life has come to a stand still and now i'm waiting for the next chapter to begin but then 'life' encompasses so many aspects. usually i roll with the punches, the ups and downs, cos that's what one does...go along for the ride, and just take it in. i mean that's how we learn on a social scale in our lives. so usually when something really, REALLY bugs me i consider it to be something significant...so much so it makes me take a step back and think "woah. what gives?"

self righteous, vain, egotistical, thinking too big of myself (however you may all want to put it in your subtle/not so subtle ways) or not, i don't really care cos it's what i think but i think i've had it...reaching my personal limitation. on what?? well on feeling that at times (and the frequency of this is increasing) people aren't interest in me...no not talking as in "omg why am i single??? why does no one love me?!?!?" but more on "great, fine...that's okay i'll go talk to a brick wall instead cos it will probably pay more attention and feign a passing interest in my conversation".

there will never be one person besides yourself who will ever know every single detail, every single secret about you, but knowing someone and knowing them well would assume that in the course of the relationship there's been equal give and take. sharing and caring. listening and talking. well i've reached a state where i'm feeling almost as if i am being taken advantage of. giving more than i am receiving (yes i know this sounds selfish...i don't care).

i listen and sometimes i think i listen too much. but that's how i know things about you guys. now i'm wondering with all the talking going on from the other side of the fence, just really how much do you know about the real me? maybe it is time for changes but then who does the changing? me? others?

see i figure most of you guys would've stopped reading by about the end of the first sentence but oh well. just needed to vent. don't cry for me bloggers, this is just momentary thing. it ain't like i can "fix" other people. sorry dude who wanted hotbabes and fish and instead got this. this was actually gonna be a bit more "ANGRY" but i've gone for a walk, had some chocolate so the happy hormones are floating throughout me now.

cheers,
- contemplative, slightly "to heck with the world, leave my bubble and me to be" helga -

ch-ch-ch-changes

is change always good? change in circumstances, change in friends, change of clothes? i mean i always feel better after i change my clothes.

people are dynamic and are always changing in some form or another. you can argue it both ways i guess. some people just never change no matter how long you've known them...and some people change in small but significant ways. i don't really think it's a sign of maturity...it's just the product of life experience and the people you meet along the way.

it scares me though that humans are capable of changing so much that they become unknown to the people closest to them.

our loyal fanbase...

with this whole new mapstats and people tracking thing on our blog now, i've found some rather amusing things about the people who visit our blog.

for example, with the way the internet and search engine works, any site that contains a word that you've included in your search comes up as a result...which did get me wondering what are people typing in and getting our blog as a result? the interesting and amusing ones i've found include:

• hotbabes and fish
• panty pic of the day
• mature mistresses
• pink hotbabes
• tightarse porn
• if you really were a viking baby
• Meaning of "burst his bubble"
• mistresses
• hotbabes
• HOTBABES

now "hotbabes" and "HOTBABES" are quite flattering
"hotbabes and fish" is quite disturbing and weirdly kinky
"panty pic of the day" is darn right funny, but i'm wondering how that relates to our blog
"if you really were a viking baby" is weird
and all the porn references...well i think they just speak for themselves.

now i wonder what these people think when they do find our blog. hope you found them amusing as well!

oh and if you guys are curious, 54% of people who visit our blog has done so via the search "hotbabes". hope we haven't disappointed them.

will you marry me?

now there's alot of pressure to do the 'perfect' proposal...sweet, romantic, touching, heartfelt, memorable and yada yada yada. so in a casual conversation with a nearest and dearest of mine, it suddenly dawned on me that if mr bro had no brain he could've proposed to his gf via these everlasting words..

"My sister needs to win a bet, so would you marry me?"
that sure gets the heart pumping doesn't it?

and now in my absolute boredom and lack of sleep stage, let's do a quick running poll - which of us vikers do you faitful readers think will get hitched first?

its a new era!

and i say it with lots of conviction!
i'm working my way towards fulfilling my self actualisation needs.... yep and its meant to make me brilliant and one of the rare few who do - only 1% of the world.
so to be who i can be - i wonder what that is!? well i have some of the characteristations of a self-actualised person - the temperament, the grasp of reality, i have a lot of autonomy and detachment and resistence to enculturation... now to find some social interest and accept flawed human beings more.

well my only real social interest lies in making the world more beautiful and smelling better, especially the later. future career paths include: a decorator, town planner, the queen of the world or a garbo dudette. do u think they'll give out nobel prizes to garbos for doing a service for the better of mankind?!
i could be the next ghandi or lincoln... watch out world here i come!

-zelda

the sweet taste of...

SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

muah ha ha! god i love it. it is soooooo sweet.
pay up baby! i have all the photographic proof you want (minus ring and marriage certificate) of a a certain match made in heaven taking place. so i am looking forward to my freebie dinner olga...should i make a booking at flower drum?? oh look i'll be nice something more in your price range...coco lounge.

free food baby. that's almost as sweet a taste as success.
the ring is on, and i, helga have won. won i tell ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

i love you all too. and your cats and dogs.
come back and love us...

spontaneous combustion

we are suffering the effects of receiving zero love from our readers. it really is quite distressing. why does noone love us? and that brings me to our topic of choice tonight. L-O-V-E...LOVE.

that elusive emotion that is all encompassing...and can cover many, many things. the love of family, the love of friends, and the love of the opposite sex. muahahahaha. ok i promise not to be immature about this. so what happens when one says those scary words..."i don't just like you...i LIKE like you" *vomit*

actually i meant when one says "i love you". what do you do? well, as i see it...there a few options
1. run like hell and not look back
2. say it back and mean it
3. say it back and not mean one word of it (i think it's called a token response)
4. "how MUCH do you love me?"
5. "why...thankyou."

hmm...so not the most divine answers we have here. hope none of you are expecting that i provide an ideal answer here...cos i sure don't have one. all i have to say is...good luck to all of you. but all in all...the moral of tonight's story is SAY IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT BABY.

i love you all.

olga