yellow brick road

so dear olga has reflected that time does indeed change people. and whilst a year ago we were on the path of ANTI-MEN, something seems to have penetrated the hard, outer coal shell of us vikers hearts here.

could it be? we vicious vikers have a heart? and that we "FEEL"?????????????????

beware boys, it seems that something has infiltrated the inner sanctum of the code of vikers. we inadvertently seem to be PRO-MEN.

we love you guys.

memory lane

as i trot down the memories of yesteryear....what do i find? 12 months ago we saw the vikers educating our dear readers on the wonders of man hating and ripping their hearts out. and it led me to wonder...

where has our bite gone?
i mean it's not necessarily a bad thing that we are not as malicious as we used to be. well scrap that. we are a tiny bit less malicious. i guess priorities have changed. each year opens a new sort of teaching post hear at viking central. i just haven't quite worked out what it is yet.

maybe this year, it is time for dr olga to shine. muah hah hah.

marshmallow-y soft

dr olga says:

"the biggest crime you can commit in the friendship book is to ditch your friends for your boyfriend. if you spend almost every day with your boyfriend, the least you can do is spare ONE DAY for the friends you have probably known for years. remember that old saying...HO'S BEFORE BRO'S"

more pearls of wisdom next week.

gross misrepresentation of my souffle

wow. whatever this guy did to your friend dr olga, he surely must've done something humungously huge to fully restore your faith in men, even though by your own words, there was still a slight lace of sarcasm involved.

don't forget the tissues then. they do more than just your boobies look bigger.

now did everybody know? this doctor of advice also has a secret identity. nancy drew here i come.

misty eyed

[big sigh]

after having a conversation with a friend of mine last night, my faith in men has miraculously been restored. something this gentleman caller of hers said to her struck me to the very core of my being and now i will never be the same again.

[another big sigh]

ok so i was only being a LITTLE big sarcastic. but it was still a life changing moment.

school of love

dr olga says:

do not take crappy horoscopes seriously when they talk about your relationship with gentleman X. better yet, do not send these crappy horoscopes to your friends and expect a serious response.

more from dr olga tomorrow.

i'm in love

red and green are such pretty colors.

ahhmmmmm...

i can help you with your problems too!!!!

doctor helga is more than qualified to lend that supportive ear you have been seeking and desparately searching for your whole life!

plus more than half of what's spewing out of doctor olga's mouth originally came from moi too (you're doing a great job doctor olga, not taking any credit away from you, but this is just coming from that conversation we had in the car about us completely switching positions and how we are now sounding exactly what the other person was, like 6mths ago....)!!!

so come to me, i will make your acid-green world look rosey red again.

dr olga's counselling hotline

do YOU have concerns about your current or potential relationship? something just isn't right? things aren't progressing the way you want them to? then call DOCTOR OLGA!

in just a few short sessions (or as many as you need), she can turn your life around. whether you need a sympathetic shoulder to cry on or just someone to tell you that you're being stupid, DOCTOR OLGA can help. true, her methods are unorthodox but they still produce results.

here's what one happy customer said:
"doctor olga has changed my life. she has seen the stupidity of my thoughts about the man in my life and now i can see how stupid i have been too! thankyou so much doctor olga!"

ring now 1800-DR-OLGA.

mr darcy you've broken my heart

dear mr phil,

you were my tall, dark and handsome mr darcy. let me repeat that once more...you WERE my tall, dark and handsome mr darcy. what has brought on this sudden change of heart? what has caused my flight of fancy to have changed course and made me cry myself to sleep each and every night these last few days? it is so because i received some devastating news.

you have upped yourself and left me. left me here in the dark gloomy city of melbourne whilst you frolic around in the land of legalised pornography. how am i, this little, sweet, innocent, uncorrupted viker meant to compete with such voluptuous women there in sleepy canberra? how oh how? such a question i shall never be able to find an answer to.

so, as the great shakespeare said once....parting is such sweet sorrow.

love,
viker helga

boy am i mad

and i am not joking here.

I HAD PREVIOUSLY POSTED SOMETHING ENTIRELY DIFFERENT TO WHAT YOU ARE VIEWING RIGHT NOW, UNDER THIS VERY TOPIC. WHAT I HAD POSTED WAS A RETALIATION TO SOMETHING THAT SOMEONE DID THAT HIT A NERVE WITH ME.

I DOUBT THIS PERSON WILL EVER KNOW WHO THEY ARE. EVEN WORSE, WAS THAT THIS PERSON WAS IDENTIFIED AS TO AVOID IN SUCH CIRCUMSTANCES DUE TO KNOWING THE DAMAGE THAT THIS PERSON COULD CAUSE WITH THIS CHARACTER FLAW. IN FACT THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME THIS PERSON HAS DONE SUCH A THING AND NOT JUST TO ME. THERE ARE MANY VICTIMS THAT THIS PERSON HAS INJURED OVER THE YEARS.

I'VE BEEN TOLD I SHOULD BREAK THIS PERSON'S BUBBLE. LET THEM KNOW. LET IT RIP INTO THEM THAT SUCH BEHAVIOUR HAS BEEN SUCH AN ONGOING THING AND IS NO LONGER TOLERATED BY "US". AND IN THE PREVIOUS POST I DID SUCH A THING. BUT NOW THE DIPLOMATIC SIDE OF ME HAS REASONED WITH ME. TAKE PRECAUTION. THINK BEFORE YOU JUMP. SO I AM I HAVE DECREED THAT THIS PERSON HAS USED UP HIS/HER ONLY GET OUT OF JAIL CARD FREE. ANOTHER SUCH INCIDENCE AND I WILL STEP UP TO THE BATTING PLATE AND LET IT BE KNOWN TO HIM/HER.

I AM BEYOND "NOT HAPPY" ABOUT WHAT HAS COME OUT OF THIS SITUATION THAT I NOW FIND MYSELF IN. I AM SIMPLY NOT JUST "ANNOYED". I AM DOWN RIGHT PISSED OFF AT THIS PERSON.

THIS IS MY WATERED DOWN VENTING POST. I WOULD BE CAREFUL YOU WHO HAVE WRONGED ME. I AM NO LONGER IN ANY MOOD TO PUT UP WITH IT ANYMORE. AND I KNOW YOU READ THIS BLOG.

author's note: this is in no reference to olga. she on the other hand has been my rock in these troubled times ahead. so please redirect your pointed fingers at someone else.

goosebumps

i think my lack of inspiration is turning around. FINALLY. funny how much material you can get for a post from just talking to friends about their problems.

sparks
now we're not talking about sparks from the fire here...we're talking about SPARKS. you know, the undeniable attraction between two people. that click that you can have with a very few people in your lifetime. and when you're in a relationship, these are the sparks that you don't want to go away.

so i've made it my mission to find out what these sneaky little buggers are, and whether they really are different for everyone. it's sort of like they mutate and change form according to whose definition it is. some say sparks can be the little things, like the way your boyfriend always greets you at the door with a hug. others say it's what makes a relationship work, that when the two of you are together, it just makes sense.

too bad half the time you can't see your own sparks, but other people can. frankly, you'd waste a lot more time looking for sparks and less time with the person you're already sparking with. not good.

solution? let it be. sparks may fade slowly over time, but they can't disappear in the blink of an eye. so get some flint and make some more sparks so they DON'T go away!

tap tap tappity tap

i decided i would treat myself to a pair of new shoes today. nice, new, silvery, lovely SHOES! oh how i live for shoes. i think i will wear my new shoes tomorrow. they will be my new happy shoes. that is all. goodnight.

the smell of love

apparently the root of sexual chemistry and attraction lies in essentially what the opposite sex smells like.

apparently for chicks to sexually attract guys they essentially need to smell any of the listed three fragrances..

1. pumpkin pie + lavender
   
2. doughnuts + black liquroice
   
3. pumpkin pie + doughnuts

and for guys to attract the girls? well guys start wearing the following...

1. good + plenty sweet (i have no idea what this is...) + cucumber/banana nut bread

surprisingly girls seemed to be put off by the opposite sex when they smell of cherries, bbq roasting meat and men's cologne.

so what have i learnt from all this??? well sexual arousal is linked to hunger. so go take a whiff people! and now i'm hungry.

au revoir!

no, the time hasn't come to say goodbye just yet. it's a soggy afternoon and i'm slowly boring myself to tears. there is only so much time you can spend sleeping. or attempting to catch up on sleep. i can't even come up with a decent topic to blog about. wait...but i know!

a friend of mine recently dragged me to this new place called "lord of the fries"...and damn i have to admit it's quite bloody good. a cone of chippies covered in a sauce of your choice. and we're not talking piddly tomato sauce...these are gourmet sauces. i'm drooling just thinking about it. true the belgian mayo was kinda eggy...but good all the same.

so what are you waiting for? go taste some quality fatty, carbohydrate loaded chips smothered in cholesterol clogging sauces. real appealing eh? but the fact remains...THEY ARE AWESOME.

oh i forgot to tell you where it was! on the corner of flinders street and elizabeth street in the city. NOT flinders lane, as someone with exceedingly poor navigational skills tried to tell me.

traffic light

RED LIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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got cha.

ding dong

i have decided i cannot stand telemarketers. especially those ones who try to advertise specials on your mobile phone network. i guess the guy that i got today wasn't too bad...but it got to the point where i wanted to hang up the bloody phone on him. there's only so much i can take about ringtones and the weather.

all that jazz about it being their job and they have to put up with rude people all the time...they really need to learn to give up after the first "no" in order to avoid people becoming rude. not only that, they block the caller ID and you have to pick it up to see who it is.

that is all. plus i've just cleaned out my entire side of the bathroom and about to start on my room. i never want to become a housewife.

mummy! i want a PUPPY!

what female friends will do for each other...

• listen to each other drone on for months on end about the man (or boy) of the moment
• given their opinions on how lovely (or horrible) a garment of clothing looks on
• talk for hours on the phone about the same thing
• tolerate each other's snoring and sleep talking
• watch really bad movies with each other
• scheme and plot someone's (usually someone who deserves it) downfall
• watch sex and the city...again...and again...and cry at exactly the same parts
• consume enormous amounts of food together
• be each other's plus ones
• use every opportunity to use sarcasm in conversation...oh wait...only we do that

evil evil everywhere

so who's the evilest of them all? well geez that's a rather hard question if the candidates to choose from is olga and i.

but at CNY celebrations last night surrounded by vast family friends whom i have either not met or just don't remember, i was asked a rather strange question. which shook some resonance in me considering i fall within the category of such people. here it is.

if anyone read will anderson's column in the sunday magazine of the hearld sun yesterday, he wrote about how it seems to be part of the modern day human nature to find some amusement from others who find themselves in a pickle of a dally (translation: a tough spot/between a rock and a hard place/in a bind etc.), be it that they have incurred some physical injury, find themselves retelling some embarassing situation, or just simply made a fool of themselves.

after asking me what i thought of the phenomenon by my "cousin" i with no hesitation admitted that i do, with no harm or offence intended, do find those kinda circumstances amusing. which prompted him to exclaim (rather loudly) that i am cruel and evil and how is it possible to find someone else's pain funny? well my answer was simple, everyone else does it and it's more than evident like will said in shows like Australia's Funniest Home Videos.

so question time folksies -
by finding someone else's bad predicament funny, does that make you evil? granted we're not talking about a full blown tragedy here, just more like everyday misfortunes that have reared their ugly heads.

and if anyone can answer me this i applaud you. why do kids find fish tank water so fascinating they want to drink it? and fry poor nemo "up good!"?!?!?!

horror flick

i have just tried on my mum's "ao dai" for my sister's wedding and i feel like an idiot in it. this is one of the bad things about weddings...especially your sister's one. as part of the family we all have to squeeze ourselves into one of these traditional dress things. and seeing as the last one was about 7 years ago...let's say that my old one did in no way possible fit.

this also cements my resolve not to get married. i don't want to have to squeeze myself into another one of these dresses...ever...again. i would rather wear a meringue bridesmaid dress. no this is NOT your cue to put me in one should i ever be anyone's bridesmaid.

oh the pain. oh the breathing restriction.