couple etiquette : lesson no# 1.

dear readers,

today we are returning to the good old days of lessons. why?? because i had no choice but to sit in public transport for 45mins with an asian couple smack bang right in front of me who decided to be all PDA - yes less than 30cm from my face they decided to PUBLICLY DISPLAY THEIR AFFECTION to each other. and despite being told that disclaimers don't stand up i don't frickin' care cos i am going to put one up...again...and if anyone is offended or doesn't see the humor in this then it is purely your fault because our constituition/legal rights here in Oz allows us free speech (and that's all that matters) and my disclaimer does allow me to be excused from everything.

Disclaimer : i am not angry (though i may sound it), i am not bitter (though i may seem like it), i am just funny HA! this is what happens when your brain works too fast and you forget what you were gonna write down. so to just borrow from one long ago...

[quote] " in case you cannot detect the sarcasm and BS in the above blog...trust me. it is dripping in my most cynical thoughts. " [/quote]

now. shall we begin?

i have nothing against SOME forms of public displays of affection, it is a perfectly normal thing to do when you *love them, and are in love with them*, in fact i've even told people that i have found it strange when they are with their partners and don't seem to be affectionate to each other (see i do have a heart).

but then those who are in a relationship must not forget about those who aren't or who happen to take a different train line to their respective partners. there are those of us who, on a 8:30am train, running late to wherever we are going just do not appreciate displays of *fairy kisses* or conversations that go no where because the only things being said are -

woman : "do you love me?"
man : "oh yes i do my snuggly wuggly snookums"
woman : "how much do you love me?"
man : "so much so that my heart is going to explode my snuggle wuggly snookums"
(repeat x how ever many times you can say it in 45mins)

so lets lay it all out shall we? for both sides cos i like balance like a good old fashion scale.

FOR THOSE IN RELATIONSHIP PLEASE REFRAIN FROM...

• please no pet lovey dovey nicknames - some of us may have had breakfast and i'm sure everyone else in carriage would appreciate it if it too stayed in our tummy's
  
• please no "do you love me?"/"how much do you love me?" conversations - cos maybe one day you're not gonna get the answer you want
  
• please no gorilla playground monkey bar games - there are those of us asleep and do not appreciate being smacked on the head from a wayward arm/hand as you try to hug/climb on top of your partner
  
• please no sharing of food where you try to stick it into their mouths - food goes in mouth, not on strangers lap
  
• please no arms around waists particularly if sitting in a three seater area - some may call it sexual harrasment (the stranger not the significant other in case you got lost there)
  
• no fairy kisses particularly no fairy kisses that go on for anything longer than 30secs at best - the dribbling look is not pretty
  

FOR THOSE NOT IN RELATIONSHIP AND SEE THIS, PLEASE REFRAIN FROM...

• making loud, obvious coughing noises - some may appreciate it, some may not, others might think you are actually choking to death
  
• making rude, loud, spiteful comments - single romantics at heart are everywhere and they will attack ya, plus we've all been (or will be, hopefully) in that situation at some point in our lives
  
• smacking the person/couple back at wayward hit on head - that's called assault
• no mocking PDA couple back - last time i checked we're all over the legal adult age...yep i said ADULT

so how must we singletons survive such shows?? how are we to retain our hold on our dignity?? simple, SLEEP. then you can just put it down to a strange, weird and terrifying nightmare that your subconcious decided to dish up to ya.

thank you (wow, please's and thank-you's in one post, mummy would be proud...now onto peas and carrots). sorry for long post. i was just that traumatised.

helga's song of the day - single [natasha bedingfield] go independent women.